Some Kind Of Game About The Sabrina The Teenage Witch Remake

Kelly Conaboy | April 12, 2012 - 11:00 am

At this point, I’m sure that Hollywood remake news is so much a part of all of our beings that we hardly even need anyone to tell us when it’s happening. Did you feel it when you woke up this morning? “Remake news is coming,” did you say? To your girlfriend? Who just didn’t get it, because she NEVER does? Well gchat her right now and let her know that you were right, and that it’s not just any remake news — it’s SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH REMAKE NEWS! From Deadline:

Sabrina The Teenage Witch is getting a makeover at Sony Pictures. The precocious teen witch who originated in 60s Archie Comics, is being recast as a superhero. The live action film will be an origin story in the vein of Spider-Man, about a young girl coming to terms with her remarkable powers.

Well we obviously have to play some sort of game about this, but what game!? I only wish that — well, I wish two things. I wish either that Sabrina the Teenage Witch could use her superhero (?) powers to decide which game we should play, or I wish I that I were Sabrina the Teenage Witch for a lot of reasons, mainly so I could just be ready for the day with a point of my finger, like in the TV show, but also so I could Sabrina the Teenage Witch this game into existence. How about this: We all play whatever game we want! We can do it, we’re ADULT witches. Here is my game:

How will Sabrina the Teenage Witch come to terms with her remarkable powers, finally?

  • After casting a spell that solved a crime, she will look in the mirror and realize that her mascara was smeared the whole time and she’ll think, “Even though I’m a superhero witch, I’m STILL the same ol’ Sabrina.”
  • She will help one of the popular girls at school get out of a rough jam and then the popular girl will still be a little mean to her, but with a wink.
  • Salem the cat still has that classic ‘tude.
  • She’ll do the spell that gets her dressed in the morning but her skirt will be tucked into her tights in the back, and she’ll think, “Aw man, can’t have it all!”
  • Her parents do not accept her, but they do like the superhero version, and she decides that that’s enough — it’s the best relationship she’s going to have with them, so she might as well enjoy it. And the superhero Sabrina hangs out with her parents, and they have no idea it’s her. And it is very sad.

Yay! Please feel free to play my game, or cast a spell of your own game, or do nothing! SABRINAAAAAAAA!