Those Are Your Glasses: Google Glasses

By Gabe Delahaye / April 4, 2012

Whuuuuuuuuuuut?! WHY DIDN’T THE PRECOGS TELL US ABOUT THESE?! Maybe it’s time to put the Precogs THEMSELVES in Time Jail! Have you guys seen what these “glasses” actually look like? Even Will.i.Am would be like, nah, I’m good. Thanks for thinking of me, dudes, but I’m all full up on Clown Face. Also, these are obviously kind of neat, but they are also obviously HOW YOU GET HIT BY A CAR AFTER YOU CLIMB OUT OF THE MANHOLE YOU JUST FELL THROUGH. It’s already hard enough to Tweet the URL to your latest Instragram without BEING SPLIT IN HALF BY A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT but now you’re supposed to do all that, Wiki who invented coffee, and track wherever the fuck Paul is at any given moment? He said he was going to meet us at the Strand. The fuck, Paul? Oh well, I guess you can apologize in your eulogy at my funeral. “Glasses, deFriendster Paul. And remind me NOT to buy tickets to Globlob Francoise. Now, how do I get to heaven?”