One of the most irritating things about when celebrities spill about shocking things from their past, like one time they had a bad haircut, or one time they didn’t even know that you can mix patterns as long as one of them is more striking than the other or whatever, is the implication that it is UNBELIEVABLE that these Celebrities have ever had to deal with these Human struggles. “Can you believe it.” “One time Ashton Kutcher had to get a mole on his back checked out but it was fine.” “One time Ashlee Simpson had lipstick on her teeth.” Uh, yes I can believe it? They are HUMAN BEINGS, as far as I know. I’m sure their human being bodies have failed them in the past, at least before they had teams of people trying to keep them looking Red Carpet Ready. I CAN BELIEVE IT! With that said, though, prepare to have your minds BLOWN with this shocking story from Salma Hayek’s disgusting past. From The Huffington Post:
“You want to talk about bad skin? I had acne. And this acne was so bad it sent me into severe, severe depression. Like I couldn’t leave the house. The next stage with that sort of depression is food – too little or too much. Guess what I did?… I was fat and broken out. I couldn’t leave the house and I couldn’t pay the rent!”
GROSS, SALMA HAYEK! How are you even famous now, you monster? Go back to your monster cave! WE REJECT YOU! WE REJECT YOU! Of course this segues nicely into Salma talking about her new skincare line, because celebrities are nothing if not just like us, constantly talking about when they were 25 and had acne oh and also by the way if you have acne you can buy something from our new skincare line. I just KNOW that if we hung out we would get along! So, please, next time you look in the mirror and you have acne and are overweightish (and can’t pay the rent because of it?), remember that you are just like Salma Hayek. And then go to your medicine cabinet and put on the lotion from your skincare line, because why haven’t you been using that all along? It’s yours! You are disgusting AND a dummy.