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10 Ways To Avoid Being Bone Collector’ed

Gabe Delahaye | March 26, 2012 - 12:00 pm

In our modern world, we’re surrounded by dangers, but many of them are easy to avoid with just a few simple precautions. Today we’re going to discuss how to avoid being Bone Collector’ed.

10. Be aware of your surroundings. Do you know where you are? Is there a Bone Collector there? Careful!
9. Travel with others. This isn’t enough to keep you safe, as Bone Collectors are known to collect multiple bones at any one time, but it’s better than facing a Bone Collector alone.
8. Have a friend pick you up. This is the surest and safest way to avoid being Bone Collector’ed unless your friend is a Bone Collector, in which case take public transportation.
7. Stay in your house and become a hoarder. This is extreme, but this way a Bone Collector can’t lure you into his/her fake cab. And if a Bone Collector breaks in and tries to drag you out to his/her fake cab, you can topple a pile of dead cats and Dora the Explorer birthday hats on his/her head, crushing him/her to death/death.
6. Get into the mind of a Bone Collector. What makes a Bone Collector tick? I mean, besides bones? If you can figure this out, then you can stay one step ahead of the game Bone Collector.
5. Learn Krav Maga.
4. Become a Bone Collector yourself. This is a more extreme variation on #6, but it is even more effective, until the lust for blood and revenge gets the better of you and you are either imprisoned for your Bone Collecting, or shot to death by Angelina Jolie in a hospice room.
3. Buy a portable Bone Collector Detector. Or carry a canister of Bone Collector Repellent.
2. When you do get in a taxi, check for a monkey figurine hanging from the rearview mirror by a tiny noose. This is a simple thing to do, but if you recognize the sign of a Bone Collector, simply exit the cab and wait for the next cab.

And the number one way to avoid being Bone Collector’ed is:

1. Avoid Taxi Dave!

Just kidding. Taxi Dave won’t Bone Collector you. He’ll be too busy giving you the greatest party cab ride of your life through downtown Sacramento, CA. (Via Reddit.)