A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: Lindsay Lohan Is Hosting SNL
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Kelly: How are you
Gabe: not bad
Kelly: I’m not bad, either.
Gabe: v. cool
Gabe: v. cool of us
Kelly: Yes we’re both very cool
Kelly: So what’s up?
Gabe: today i wanted to rap at you
Gabe: about Lindsay Lohan hosting this weekend’s episode of Saturday Night Live
Gabe: r u ready?
Kelly: Oooooh, great!
Gabe: do u have ur snax?
Kelly: Yes I have my snax
Gabe: i feel like hosting SNL is a big thing for a performer to get to do, and even though that show has been on for a million years, it is still a relatively exclusive club
Gabe: so it just makes sense for a drug addict with a non-existent career
Gabe: to fill one of those slots
Gabe: it’s neat
Gabe: it’s fun
Gabe: she’s SOOOOOOO funny, too
Kelly: Did you hear that she’s hosting because she asked Lorne Michaels HERSELF if she could host?
Gabe: is that true?
Gabe: is that how the world works?
Kelly: Apparently that is how the world works for some
Gabe: sometimes you just have to ask for what you want
Gabe: Chapter Three: The Secret
Kelly: But I am a little on the fence about it all
Kelly: Because at least she is doing something?
Gabe: you are always on the fence
Gabe: get off the fence, kelly
Kelly: No way I like it on the fence you get to see both sides!
Kelly: But you know at least for 1.5 hours on Saturday night
Kelly: The world will know that Lindsay Lohan is working
Kelly: On a sketch show that many performers would love to get the chance to host
Kelly: Because she asked
Gabe: what i want to know
Gabe: is, like, OK, basically LIndsay Lohan’s job for the past couple of years
Gabe: has been to be a train wreck
Gabe: and so if she gets on the cover of a magazine
Gabe: or hosts a late night sketch comedy show
Gabe: it is in large part because those businesses
Gabe: are relying on people’s desire to see a train wreck
Gabe: but i actually am not sure that is working
Gabe: i feel like people aren’t that into this wreck
Kelly: Yeah, because this train wreck has been a train wreck for too long, I think.
Kelly: I barely remember when it was anything other than a train wreck
Gabe: well, right
Gabe: that’s also part of it
Gabe: like, whitney houston (uh oh, here we go)
Gabe: but whitney houston or michael jackson as examples
Gabe: of Classic Train Wrecks
Gabe: Before They Died
Gabe: were at least
Gabe: amazing singers and performers
Gabe: before they went off the rails
Gabe: so part of the fascination was with the wreckage but also with
Gabe: the eternal hope/promise that somehow
Gabe: they’d pull themselves out of it
Gabe: and return to their former glory
Gabe: but in this case it’s like, what is she going to return to?
Gabe: Mean Girls 3?
Gabe: Garrison Keillor’s Little House on the Prairie
Kelly: Hahah, right.
Kelly: Well I think also with Lindsay Lohan, more than Whitney Houston or Michael Jackson, people are kind of following it because they hope she gets better, just because she is a young woman who was a train wreck so early on in her life?
Kelly: Just as a human and not as a performer
Kelly: But maybe only a small percentage, and maybe the rest of everyone are just bored with her train wreck and want it to wreck somewhere out of their faces
Kelly: It’s a very weird thing
Kelly: But I don’t think Saturday Night Live is having her on in the hopes that she will be a train wreck
Kelly: Do you think they’re hoping that that is why people will watch?
Kelly: To see her be a train wreck?
Gabe: i mean, why else would someone watch?
Gabe: because of her chops? her comedy chops?
Kelly: Why do people ever watch SNL when there’s a lame host?
Kelly: Because it’s their job and they have to write about it for a blog?
Kelly: Yeah, I don’t know
Kelly: To see a show?!
Kelly: Maybe you’re right
Gabe: i am not saying they want her to be a train wreck
Gabe: but it is definitely a sensational booking
Gabe: it is a Tabloid Booking
Gabe: i like that in one article
Gabe: she told someone that she was willing to “make fun of anything”
Gabe: and it’s like, uh, yeah
Gabe: of course you are
Gabe: if there is one thing that the world now understands about LIndsay Lohan
Gabe: it is that the boundaries are blurry
Gabe: and her Willingness Level is at CODE RED
Kelly: As it probably needs to be
Gabe: well, no
Gabe: i disagree
Gabe: i think that’s part of the problem
Kelly: How do you mean
Gabe: people don’t like Aggressive Desperation
Gabe: when she is like I’LL DO ANYTHING that is exactly when people are like
Gabe: THEN YOU GET NOTHING
Gabe: i’m sure it has something to do with supply and demand economics
Gabe: because of how i went to college
Kelly: Well, sure
Kelly: But people do like aggressively trying to make amends, I think. Or they at least don’t dislike it as much as “I’LL DO ANYTHING”
Kelly: And that’s more of what I was talking about
Gabe: the amends of hosting Saturday Night Live
Gabe: “I am sorry to everyone I hurt in the past by not hosting Saturday Night Live.”
Kelly: Well the amends of trying to get her life back on track, and asking Lorne Michaels if ask if you could host Saturday Night Live, as a favor
Gabe: hahaha uh huh
Kelly: Or like taking whatever role you’re offered
Kelly: I DON’T KNOW I’M TRYING TO SEE THE OTHER SIDE!
Kelly: And I do think that the SNL booking could also be a mercy booking
Kelly: In addition to a tabloid booking
Gabe: it could be a mercy booking
Gabe: the point is
Gabe: it’s going to be great
Gabe: it’s what America wants
Gabe: and we’re going to laugh so hard
Kelly: Right, you’re right
Kelly: I can’t wait to see it.
Gabe: at all the great jokes about doing cocaine and sleeping with Samantha Ronson
Gabe: “LOLOL” – America, March 3rd, 11:32 PM
Kelly: It’s all on the table and it’s all very funny and I can’t wait to laugh about about it forever and ever after it happens.
Kelly: Lindsay Forever
Kelly: XOXO Lindsay
Gabe: LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SAD DESPERATE FORMERLY PROMISING ACTRESS WITH FLUCTUATING BREAST SIZE COCAINE TRAIN WRECK LOLOLZ