Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: kelly! what’s up?!
Kelly: Whoa you seem excited
Gabe: how was your valentine’s day?
Gabe: are you broke?
Kelly: My Valentine’s Day was great! I’m super broke now but I have a brand new diamond to pawn so I think I’ll be fine.
Kelly: How was yours? Are you broke?
Gabe: mine was just fine, thank you
Kelly: Great, good to hear.
Kelly: Speaking of Valentine’s Day
Kelly: Remember when Brett Ratner said that rehearsal was “for fags” and then he dropped out of producing the Oscars?
Gabe: i do
Gabe: thank you for reminding me though
Kelly: Haha no problem
Gabe: Rehearsal’s For Fags
Gabe: get that puppy up on CafePress
Gabe: ding dong I’M A MILLIONAIRE
Kelly: Not if I get it on CafePress first!!!!!
Kelly: But anyway, so now he’s making up for that controversial remark by directing a series of PSAs
Kelly: Hello? Gabe?
Gabe: oh thank god
Kelly: Oh you’re here I thought you were away taking down everything negative you’ve ever written about Brett Ratner
Gabe: let me just preface the rest of this conversation by saying that
Gabe: it’s always hard to speak too negatively about someone who is trying
Gabe: to do a positive thing in the world
Gabe: BUT WE’LL DO OUR BEST
Kelly: I just
Kelly: I guess it’s just that the article I’m reading about it also has a picture of his face on it
Kelly: So it’s difficult.
Gabe: my favorite part is that his PSAs are going to feature
Gabe: celebrities “coming out”
Gabe: which basically means that
Gabe: those celebrities are doing all of the work
Gabe: that’s like me holding the camera for Dan Savage
Gabe: and then taking credit for the It Gets Better campaign
Gabe: it’s a brave and powerful thing that I created
Kelly: Haha, right.
Kelly: His big move is standing behind the scenes directing another person’s idea about how to make the world better
Kelly: and have his name attached to statements from GLAAD
Kelly: that probably only bloggers are going to talk about on blogs
Gabe: i’m sure in his mind it’s an incredible service he’s providing
Gabe: because of how impressed everyone is going to be
Gabe: by all of the stunts and sassy banter
Gabe: “That was crazy when Johnny Weir skated through those ninjas and then CAME OUT.”
Gabe: THANK YOU, BRETT RATNER
Kelly: Yes thank you, you really did it, you really directed it
Kelly: It really happened and you were there for the whole thing
Gabe: he is not going to be writing them, or being in them, he is not even the cinematographer on them
Gabe: it’s just going to be him saying “that was good.”
Gabe: “good job, we’ll use that one.”
Kelly: I guess really
Kelly: the one who did a great job on this one
Kelly: is whoever got him this deal with GLAAD
Kelly: Because yeah he is not really putting himself out there TOO much for the LGBT community
Kelly: But it still kind of seems like a nice thing? That we almost feel bad criticizing?
Gabe: you know what, i take it back, i don’t feel bad
Gabe: fuck that guy
Gabe: you don’t get to DIRECT for charity
Gabe: that’s nonsense
Gabe: i’ll make those ads
Gabe: give me the flip cam
Gabe: i’ve got iMovie
Gabe: i’ll direct the shit out of those ads
Gabe: the thing is, if you’re a good person and a director and a MILLIONAIRE
Gabe: you should just DIRECT A PSA FOR A GOOD CAUSE ANYWAY
Gabe: you don’t have to pretend like you’re some fucking hero for doing something that you are clearly doing as a punishment
Kelly: Hahah really?
Kelly: You DON’T have to wait until you say rehearsal’s for fags?
Gabe: well, that is the one troubling thing about all of this
Gabe: is that rehearsal IS for fags
Kelly: Well right, but you don’t say it.
Gabe: it’s complicated, you know, the POLITICS
Gabe: as they say, Hollywood is just like high school
Gabe: it’s a popularity contest and the loser has to direct a PSA that he doesn’t even want to direct
Kelly: So he can produce the Oscars in his senior year without shame
Gabe: somehow i honestly feel like this is worse
Gabe: this PSA story
Gabe: than the part where Brett Ratner just said rehearsal’s for fags
Gabe: like, that was a terrible thing to say, but Brett Ratner is obviously just a fucking dumb terrible idiot
Kelly: Who for sure still says things like rehearsal is for fags all the time
Gabe: but now he probably thinks that he’s not only made amends
Gabe: for being such a piece of shit
Gabe: but that he’s some kind of American Hero
Kelly: And I don’t even know what GLAAD could be gaining from this?
Gabe: i refuse to allow GLAAD to give Brett Ratner the satisfaction of burnishing his ego
Kelly: Well, you should send them your own statement about that
Kelly: Have a statement war with GLAAD
Gabe: i’m going to direct an anti-Brett Ratner PSA
Gabe: will you write it? and be in it?
Gabe: i’ll hold the camera
Gabe: oh, and i get all the credit
Gabe: do you even know how PSAs work? or are you cynical and selfish?
Gabe: open your heart, kelly
Gabe: and let hatred of Brett Ratner pour in
Kelly: You’re so brave.