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Goodbye House, We’ll Watch You In Heaven

Kelly Conaboy | February 9, 2012 - 2:45 pm

Do any of you guys still watch House? I assume everyone watched House at SOME point, because I did, and everybody does the same things* as me, right? RIGHT? Well if any of you still watch it, first of all, did House ever fix his hurty leg? Second of all, get ready to get SAAAAADDD! Check out this joint statement from House executive producers David Shore and Katie Jacobs, and also Hugh Laurie:

After much deliberation, the producers of House M.D. have decided that this season of the show, the eighth, should be the last. By April this year they will have completed 177 episodes, which is about 175 more than anyone expected back in 2004.

The decision to end the show now, or ever, is a painful one, as it risks putting asunder hundreds of close friendships that have developed over the last eight years — but also because the show itself has been a source of great pride to everyone involved.

The producers have always imagined House as an enigmatic creature; he should never be the last one to leave the party. How much better to disappear before the music stops, while there is still some promise and mystique in the air.

Nooooooo! The music stopped such a long time ago, I feel like, just bring him back so we can keep him in silence foreverrrrrrrrrrrr! Obviously this is heartbreaking news, not only to anyone who still watches House, but also to anyone who even knew that it was still on TV and hadn’t ended at least two seasons ago. What’re we gonna do without it?! Huh?! Well, I’ll TELL you what we’re gonna do about it! We’re gonna keep the plot going! RIGHT HERE! 

I don’t actually know where the plot’s at right now, so if any of this doesn’t make sense, WHY WERE YOU STILL WATCHING HOUSE?

  • When Dr. House turns 65 years old, he finally figures out a way to fix his bad leg. It’s a very experimental way that he isn’t sure will cure his leg, but if he doesn’t do it his leg is going to stay hurty and gross and decomposed looking, so he does it. It works for a bit of time.
  • When Dr. House is 68 years old, the leg starts to get bad again. “God dangit,” he thinks. “Why the heck can’t I fix this dang leg?”
  • It’s ok, though, because he is in love with a beautiful new lady who works at the hospital that is now named “House Hospital” after House gave it a very generous donation after House inherited a lot of money. He is mean to the lady at first, and she doesn’t know who he is at first so she is mean back to him, and that’s how they fall in love.
  • House got lots of dogs and cats and now they’re all over his apartment.
  • House isn’t so grumpy anymore now that he has the dogs, cats, and the new lady. He kind of gets that life is what you make it, and he doesn’t want to make it so angry anymore.
  • Now when he thinks a patient is lying to him he looks at them and gives them a Larry David stare. They crack up every time and tell him the truth.
  • At the age of 75, House gets very sick but he can’t figure out what it is.
  • He goes to the blonde doctor who used to work for him. “What do I have,” he asks. The blonde doctor tells him he has lupus and they have a good laugh, because of the thing House always used to say about lupus.
  • But really the blonde doctor doesn’t know what he has and House dies a little bit later. No one ever knows why, but it is very sad. He is still very handsome when he dies.
  • Then you think the series is over.
  • But then House is a ghost doctor in Heaven!

Wonderful, very good. Lots of new areas to explore in there. Very dumb idea for those guys to stop making this show and make us continue it forever by ourselves. (Via The Hollywood Reporter.)

*I would actually rent House DVDs from my school’s library and watch like all the episodes right in a row. College was pretty crazy, huh.