A Friendly Chat With Gabe And Kelly: The Unaired Fear Factor Donkey Semen Episode

staff | February 1, 2012 - 5:45 pm

Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hi, kelly
Kelly: How are you feeling?
Gabe: pretty good
Gabe: you?
Gabe: type it
Gabe: don’t say it out loud
Gabe: i am sitting in the same room with you today
Kelly: Oh yeah, I do see you in this room
Gabe: but I don’t want to RUIN THE MYSTIQUE
Gabe: of our friendly chats
Gabe: with the sound of your VOICE
Kelly: No, please do not
Kelly: I’d rather never hear what you sound like anyway
Kelly: So I can read your posts in the voice I imagine
Gabe: you won’t
Gabe: well
Gabe: once
Gabe: you will only hear the sound of my voice once
Gabe: and that will be when the phone rings
Gabe: and you answer it
Gabe: and someone just says “You’re fired” and hangs up
Gabe: that’s me

Kelly: Ok well, great
Kelly: I’m glad we have that sorted
Kelly: So the question hanging in the air right now is how am I feeling
Kelly: And I want you do know that I am feeling very bad
Gabe: uh oh
Kelly: Because the Fear Factor episode that I have been looking so forward to
Kelly: Where young women are made to
Kelly: ugh
Kelly: I honestly
Gabe: out with it
Gabe: say it
Kelly: :(
Gabe: which episode were you looking forward to?
Gabe: you can’t even say it?
Gabe: some fan
Gabe: with fans like you Joe Rogan doesn’t have fans

Kelly: The Fear Factor episode during which young women are made to drink donkey semen and urine
Gabe: oh my god
Gabe: you are actually crying
Gabe: it’s weird that they only pulled the one episode
Gabe: i really feel like they could have pulled all the episdoes
Gabe: and also Men in Blacked our minds
Gabe: so that show never existed
Gabe: i’m just saying that seems like another option
Kelly: Yeah, no, that seems like a fine option as well.
Kelly: It could be that that is their plan
Kelly: And they’re beginning the process now
Gabe: well, i guess i am glad that they are pulling the episode
Gabe: even though America already saw someone drink cow semen
Gabe: when Steve-O did it
Gabe: on Jackass
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: Right, so we all already know what it looks like.
Gabe: yeah
Gabe: just show us
Gabe: we know
Kelly: We get it, we’re picturing it right now
Kelly: Can’t stop picturing it
Kelly: So why don’t you just put it in front of our eyeballs
Gabe: was the semen mixed with the urine? or two glasses?
Kelly: Two glasses as far as I know
Gabe: lame
Kelly: Idk
Kelly: I feel like it would be less gross if they were mixed?
Gabe: why?
Gabe: why do you think that?
Gabe: show your work
Kelly: The consistency would maybe be less gross for the semen part of it, which would obviously be the most difficult part.
Kelly: The urine would be made more difficult
Gabe: gross
Gabe: you thought about it too much
Kelly: But I think overall if you could get the semen down more easily
Gabe: you’re fired
Gabe: that’s gross
Gabe: i’m calling HR
Gabe: and reporting how much you thought about it
Kelly: That’s fair
Gabe: i mean, the saddest part of this story
Gabe: is not that we live in a world
Gabe: where there is a show called fear factor
Gabe: where contestants are forced
Gabe: to drink donkey semen and urine for our entertainment
Gabe: but rather that we live in a world
Gabe: where some people willingly drank donkey semen and urine for our entertainment
Kelly: Right
Gabe: and that shit
Gabe: won’t even BE ON TV

Gabe: hahahah those dudes
Gabe: way to go, guys
Kelly: And they are upset that it isn’t going to be aired
Kelly: Which is kind of strange to me
Kelly: I’m upset that this discussion is even going to be aired
Gabe: well, it makes sense
Gabe: i mean
Gabe: if you’re going to go through with it
Gabe: the least they can do
Gabe: is PUT IT ON TV
Kelly: I’m honestly feeling sick
Kelly: every time I think about it
Gabe: hold it together
Kelly: I almost can’t
Gabe: you have to
Gabe: i’m right here
Gabe: but, like, the only thing worse than being the person who drank donkey semen and urine on TV
Gabe: is the person who drank donkey semen and urine for NOTHING
Kelly: Hahah right
Kelly: Well, I’m sure they won at least 45 billion dollars for doing it, correct?
Gabe: probably
Gabe: that number def sounds right
Kelly: At least they are left with their 45 bil
Kelly: and their proven willingness
Kelly: to do anything it takes to entertain.
Kelly: And that is certainly not nothing
Gabe: well, it’s not proven
Kelly: oh right
Gabe: because we will never see it
Kelly: haha right, nevermind
Kelly: It’s nothing
Gabe: it’s their ALLEGED willingness
Gabe: to entertain
Gabe: as far as we know
Gabe: Steve-O is still the only entertainer out there

Kelly: That’s the truth
Kelly: Want to know what my favorite quote is
Kelly: “What I ended up doing was vomiting in my glass, and just drank that. The cameramen were vomiting.”
Kelly: “What I ended up doing” is why it’s my favorite quote.
Kelly: Because it’s like that was her strategy
Gabe: did you see the one where Steve-O made an omelet by eating all of the vegetables and raw eggs and then throwing them up into a pan and cooking the barf and then eating that?
Kelly: Uhhh no
Gabe: i just feel like why are we even talking about this fear factor thing
Gabe: did Steve-O die?
Gabe: no
Gabe: he is out there
Gabe: some dilettante trying to get all the flags on the hanging platform
Gabe: pretending like they’re insulted
Kelly: You’re right. And he has the means to show it to us, whatever he wants to do.
Kelly: So this is all kind of beside the point, I guess.
Kelly: The point being
Kelly: Can we watch Jackass after this
Gabe: i just feel like Steve-O would have never allowed his show to get pulled from the air
Gabe: but if it had been pulled
Gabe: he wouldn’t go on some Morning Zoo radio bitching about it
Gabe: like some asshole
Gabe: he would have just gone out in the field
Gabe: and found a new way to make us all smile
Gabe: it’s called SHOWBIZ