Gojo Hands-Free And Other Ways To Make A Million Dollars

By Kelly Conaboy / January 30, 2012

Are you tired of NOT having a million dollars? Waking up every morning, putting your clothes on yourself, eating a normal breakfast or sometimes NO BREAKFAST AT ALL? Because you don’t have time? Because you have to get to your gross job? Because you haven’t had a million-dollar idea that you somehow convinced people was normal enough to produce and make a comercial for? WELL, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? Mr. GoJo doesn’t have that problem! (I assume. I assume he has made at least a million dollars in the time I saw this commercial this morning until now. You’ll see why. Soon, when you see the commercial.) And all he had to do was come up with a solution to a problem that all of us have every day of our lives: Not having our phones stuck to our faces. Ugh, OF COURSE someone beat us to it.

And to think, we’ve been rubber-banding our phones to our faces for YEARS without a patent. Well, NEVER AGAIN! Consider every one of these ideas newly patented*:

  • ShooTape: Tape, but for when you have a hole in your shoe.
  • LittleCoaty: A tiny coat that folds out into a much larger coat, so you can put it in your purse.
  • HairFix: A wig that looks like your normal hair on a pretty good day, so if you wake up and don’t want to do your hair you just put on the wig. Or if you do your hair and then it’s raining outside.
  • ClickRemote: The remote from Click.
  • Eat-ables: Tiny little things you can eat.
  • GlassFix: A second pair of glasses, basically. For if you break your first ones.
  • NeckGlasses: A necklace that you can put your cup in. These exist but I’m pretty sure that no one has thought to call them “NeckGlasses,” like “necklaces.” #doy
  • HatPurse: It’s a hat, but you put all of your stuff in it so you don’t have to carry a purse.
  • WheresMyKeys: You get a magnet put into your hand, and then a magnet put on your keychain so your keys are always in your hand.
  • PretendDog: A dog that is like a dog in every way except that it is not a real dog, so you can have it even if you can’t have a dog in your apartment and also don’t want the responsibility.
  • SleepMask: A mask you wear while you sleep. It absorbs the sleep that you don’t need for the next day, and then you can wear it when you NEED sleep and it’ll give some of that other sleep back to you.

Please believe me when I say that this is just the TIP of the ideas iceberg. What do you think of these ideas, guy from that commercial from before?

    YEAH! THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT! #littlecoaty #trendingworldwide (Thanks for the tip, Antonia!)

    *Not patented