A Fake Interview With Kanye West
[Yeah, no, this interview with Kanye West is fake.]
Videogum: Kanye West!
Kanye West: Hi.
VG: A real interview with Kanye West. The boys on Facebook aren’t going to believe this.
KW: What’s Facebook?
KW: Yeah. I mean, I’ve heard of it, but what is it?
VG: It doesn’t matter.
KW: Should I buy it?
KW: Hold on.
Kanye West signals to an assistant who leans in close to his ear. He whispers briefly and the assistant excuses himself from the room.
VG: You OK?
KW: I’m Kanye West.
KW: I’m great.
KW: Are we done? Is that the interview?
VG: No. What?
KW: Well, let’s pick up the pace. I have to be at a leather factory in Portugal in 20 minutes.
VG: I don’t think you’re going to make it to Portugal in 20 minutes.
KW: [laughs] [keeps laughing] You’re hilarious.
The assistant who left earlier returns and whispers something in Kanye’s ear. Kanye nods.
VG: You OK?
KW: You asked that already.
VG: What’s going on here?
KW: It’s your interview. You don’t know?
VG: I mean what do you guys keep whispering?
KW: He tryng to buy Facebok for me but it ist for sale.
VG: Man, you even TALK in typos.
KW: I just get excited.
VG: Right, so, that leads us to our interview. You went crazy on Twitter last night!
KW: I wouldn’t say crazy. I would say passionate. And creative. And a genius.
VG: Oh, yeah, no, I know what you would say. But you’re ridiculous.
KW: You’re boxing me in creatively.
VG: So, you’re launching a new company named after your mother. Do you want to tell us a little bit about it?
KW: DONDA is a multi-platform creative enterprise that’s going to revolutionize art and design and life on Earth for all people and my fans. We’re looking to change the way everything is made.
KW: Everything. I got big dreams. DONDA is going to employ writers, painters, musicians, filmmakers, lawyers, rabbis, surgeons, fishmongers, demigods, state legislatures, dragon eggs, longshoremen, Mr. Peanut, backup dancers, sous chefs, knights, the apes from Rise of the Planet of the Apes, macaroni and cheese–
VG: You’re going to employ macaroni and cheese?
KW: –Calvin and Hobbes. We doing big things.
VG: Of course you are. Now, are you starting this company in direct response to the conversations you’ve been having about working on The Jetsons movie?
VG: That’s hilarious.
KW: Thank you.
VG: That’s not exactly what I meant.
KW: Say what you mean, man. That’s what I do. I’m Kanye West. All i ever wanted to do was be everything do my fans and do create.
VG: You are getting excited again!
KW: Always, kid.
VG: Wait, but so, just to clarify, all of this nonsense that has been coming out of your mouth IS because someone in Hollywood asked you to be a consultant on The Jetsons movie, right?
KW: This is about art and life and creating and being true to yourself and making dreams happen and DONDA and sashimi platters and red eye flights to Miuccia Prada’s private Howl’s Floating Castle and throwing parties on the International Space Station and–
VG: Just answer the question. Is this all about the Jetsons movie?
VG: Hahaha. OK. Thanks for the interview, Kanye West. Have fun in Portugal.
KW: Peace and create and genius and fans. Yo, let’s stop off at Seth Meyers’s house on the way to the leather factory. I want him to tell me a joke!