I’m not sure if you’ve all been to church today already or what, but as some of you may know, today is St. Nicholas Day. I know that because St. Nicholas Day shares a birthday with someone who thinks her identity will be stolen if I wish her a Happy Birthday on the Internet. (Happy Birthday, OMM!) St. Nicholas Day is kind of like Christmas for Europeans, except something about shoes? They put trees in their shoes? They wake up and their shoes are FULL of coins? I don’t know but it’s something like Christmas, which is appropriate, because HERE IS A JESUS-RELATED GIFT! Merrrrrry Thismas. From Variety:
After helping bring Harry Potter and Kevin McCallister to life, Chris Columbus is looking to put another famous kid up on the big screen: Jesus Christ.
Columbus’ 1492 Pictures and CJ Entertainment have acquired the rights to the Anne Rice tome “Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt,” which tells the story of a seven-year-old Jesus, who departs Egypt with his family to return home to Nazareth and discovers the truth about his birth, who he is, and his purpose in life.
“So it’s like in Dexter when there’s a flashback?” That is what I desperately want to say to SOMEONE. Get Chris on the phone I have a joke for him. SOMEONE GET CHRIS ON THE PHONE! Anyway, yes, Young Jesus, finally putting the holy back in Hollywood. The reason for the summer movie season. Jesus Christ Baby Boy Superstar, etc. Clearly Young Jesus is in good hands with producer Christopher “Call Me Chris” Columbus LOLOL, who helped bring Harry Potter and Kevin McCallister to life, BUT WHO WILL THE CASTING DIRECTOR BE? I mean, WHO WILL PLAY BABY JESUS?
Will it be…
JADEN SMITH? (YES)
A BABY IN A PRIEST COSTUME?
BOBB’E J. THOMPSON?
A BABY WITH LONG HAIR SOMEHOW?
VINCENT GALLO WALKING WITH SHOES ON HIS KNEES SO HE LOOKS MORE CHILDLIKE?
BIRDIE IN A CONTROVERSIAL DECISION TO MAKE JESUS A FEMALE?
BEANS FROM EVEN STEVENS BUT FROM NOW, WHEN HE’S AN ELF IN THE PHONE COMMERCIAL?
DONALD GLOVER? JUST HIM?
AN ADULT WITH THEIR HEAD IN A BABY JESUS BASSINET?
Ahhhh, so many good choices, I can’t pick just one just kidding Jaden Smith obviously!!! DID I MISS ANYONE? I’m almost positive that I didn’t miss anyone, but do let me know. This is the role of a lifetime and we want everyone to have their fair shot.