It was a dark day in August, right on the heels of the announcement that Universal had dropped our second-favorite Hasbro board game movie idea Monopoly: The Movie, when we heard that Universal decided to drop our first-favorite Hasbro board game movie idea: Ouija Board: The Movie. Two unbelievably huge mistakes right in a row from Universal, resulting in America losing faith in the movie industry almost entirely. Ugh. UNIVERSAL! I try not to think about it every single day of my life but it’s hard not to. Anyway, good news! Hasbro is still moving forward with the Ouija Board: The Movie idea by itself, and they just hired a screenwriter! From The Hollywood Reporter:
Ouija may not have a studio home, but the supernatural project is still very much alive and kicking. Hasbro, which is financing development, and Platinum Dunes, the shingle producing the project, have hired well-regarded scribe Marti Noxon to work on the script.
Noxon cut her teeth and gained geek cred with her work on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and most recently wrote the remake of Fright Night.
(Like we all know what shingle means?) (It means a small production company.) (Now you don’t have to look for the showbiz definition on the internet for like EIGHT WHOLE MINUTES.) Anyway, this is perfect! When Hasbro releases this project straight to your Netflix Instant queue we’ll all have to start a group iChat on Google+ and watch it together so we don’t get tooooooo spooked. Until then, I’m excited to announce that we have an EXCLUSIVE SNEAK PEAK at the screenplay! I KNOW! I know.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Kelly, a beautiful young woman wise beyond her years, sits in her humongous bedroom with all of her friends who love her so much. She has SO many friends. The bedroom is dark except for the hundreds of CANDLES lit and placed all around it in that way where you think, “Who had the time to light all of these candles?” The answer in this case is all of Kelly’s friends did it as a surprise. So everyone is sitting on the floor and you think, “Uh-oh, I know where this is going.” And then you see that you were correct: They’re playing THE OUIJA BOARD. But it’s not the Hasbro “classic” version, it’s a version that’s made out of wood.
I found this Ouija board in a haunted house. I don’t believe in ghosts, though, and you can say that I’m pretty skeptical about how this is all going to turn out tonight.
I don’t know, Kelly. I hesitate to disagree with you but I think you might be acting a little cavalier about contacting spirits on the Ouija board. You know, I heard of a girl who used to live in our area who used the Ouija board and then she died because of the ghosts she contacted.
I’ll take my chances.
Four of the girls place their fingers on the PLANCHETTE. It starts to move wildly across the board. What is going on?!
What is going on!?
Quit moving it, SALLY.
I’m not moving it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was the one who was moving it. I’M A GHOST! An evil ghost!!!
At that moment the room begins to shake and all of the girls die except for one quiet girl in the back, also named Kelly.
It is now my mission to avenge the death of my friends.
Out of the rubble, second Kelly walks into the bright light and you just know that she’s going to do a great job of avenging the death of her friends. OH, but when she turns around you see that she has am imprint of a planchette on the back of her neck!!!
WHOA! I’m hooked. Stay tuned to your local listings, everybody!