Gabe: hi kelly
Kelly: Hi, Gabe
Gabe: how are you?
Gabe: just kidding
Gabe: NO TIME
Gabe: LET’S GET TO THE FACTS OF THE MATTER
Kelly: Ok perfect SO do you remember Casey Anthony
Gabe: kind of
Gabe: literally only a little
Gabe: i did not follow that story very much
Gabe: she ate a baby?
Kelly: She was on trial for eating a baby and even though they saw video of her preparing the baby to be eaten
Kelly: they acquitted her
Kelly: and now she lives in Florida
Gabe: wait, where did she live BEFORE?
Gabe: because the whole thing sounds VERY Florida
Gabe: if she’s only just getting to Florida now
Gabe: i feel like this story is going to take a dark turn
Kelly: It’s possible that she always lived in Florida
Kelly: I don’t know, listen, I’m not Professor Casey Anthony I just want to talk to you about something about her
Kelly: OK SO
Kelly: A prosecutor in the Casey Anthony trial has written a book about the trial which is not published yet
Kelly: And Lifetime is currently developing a Lifetime movie based on that book
Kelly: Which is gross to me because I thought we were all not going to talk about Casey Anthony anymore?
Gabe: i thought Lifetime was a channel about women drinking too much wine or something
Gabe: i did not know they tackled the Serious Issues
Gabe: like Casey Anthony’s prosecutor’s novel
Gabe: who’s going to play the BABYYYYYYYY?
Gabe: Jonathan Lipnicki is too ripped
Kelly: Verne Troyer is in talks
Gabe: why did you think we were all not going to talk about Casey Anthony anymore?
Gabe: who told you that?
Kelly: I thought that that was a thing?
Kelly: That everybody was like, “Ok, we’re going to stay away from this one. Let’s all agree not to make any money off of the Casey Anthony trial because yuck.”
Kelly: Wasn’t that a thing?
Gabe: you’re out of your mind
Kelly: But then they were like
Kelly: About this book, they were like, oh it’s by Jeff Ashton, a prosecutor, so it’s ok
Kelly: “We’ll allow it”
Gabe: yeah, it does seem like they’re being very cute
Gabe: about using the prosecutor’s book
Gabe: to make it seem legitimate
Gabe: when the reality is they just want to make a movie
Gabe: about the lady who ate a baby
Kelly: Yeah exactly
Kelly: It’s odd to me that Lifetime was the first one to figure out how to get around the fake agreement that maybe I even dreamed to not give to or make any money from Casey Anthony
Gabe: i’m still confused by this world agreement you seem to think exists
Gabe: that no one would talk about casey anthony
Gabe: but whatever
Gabe: well, so? IS THIS MOVIE GOOD OR BAD FOR WOMYN?
Gabe: just kidding
Kelly: WHAT IS THIS MOVIE?
Kelly: That’s the more important question
Gabe: rom com
Gabe: prosecutor falls in love with the criminal
Gabe: after they have a meetcute in jail
Gabe: who’s directing this thing? Michel Gondry?
Kelly: Either Michel Gondry or the Duplass brothers
Kelly: I’m not sure because I’ve read too many Variety articles this month so I can’t see the article about it
Kelly: but I’m almost positive it’s one of those two
Gabe: look at you
Gabe: “I’ve read too many Variety articles this month”
Gabe: TURTLE, PULL KELLY’S BIKE AROUND!
Kelly: AND BRING ME MY COCAINE HOLLYWOOD SIGN HELMET!
Gabe: well, so, what, though, you’re mad about this movie?
Gabe: you seem kind of mad about it
Kelly: Well I’m just mad that, as you said before, Lifetime is acting like they’re not trying to just make a Casey Anthony movie because people are going to watch a Casey Anthony movie because people like horrifying things
Kelly: like the Casey Anthony trial
Gabe: well, in Lifetime’s defense
Gabe: there is literally a two paragraph announcement that they’re making it
Gabe: i’m not sure how hard they’re trying to say they’re doing something else?
Kelly: I will admit that I’m putting a lot of words into Lifetime’s mouth
Gabe: they seem like they’re actually being pretty straight-forward
Gabe: about what they’re doing
Kelly: ON THE SURFACE!!!!!
Gabe: you should write a letter
Gabe: to the president of Lifetime
Kelly: Dear Mrs. Lifetime, YOU ARE A JERK, DON’T YOU THINK THAT YOU FOOL ME FOR ONE SECOND. See you in hell, Kelly
Gabe: good letter, kelly!
Kelly: Thank you, now if you could send that letter for me and cosign it
Gabe: no way, man
Gabe: i want to see Katherine Keener eat Elle Fanning’s corpse, or whatever
Kelly: yeah WE ALL WANT TO SEE IT
Gabe: hahahhaha THE TRUTH COMES OU
Gabe: write yourself a letter
Kelly: :( :( :( :( :(
Gabe: you LIAR
Gabe: every time you point a finger at Lifetime, Kelly
Gabe: there are 100 fingers pointing at you
Kelly: This is a dark moment
Kelly: I guess it’s true what they say
Kelly: “How much can you know about yourself if you’ve never been in a friendly chat.”
Kelly: I’ll just send them a letter asking if they can make the movie a little more quickly.