People announced their annual Sexiest Man Alive issue today, and the winner is Bradley Cooper. Let’s just table that for a second. But we are definitely going to come back to that. Bradley Cooper’s response to being named the Sexiest Man Alive is very sexy:
“I think it’s really cool that a guy who doesn’t look like a model can have this [title],” says the Hangover actor, 36. “I think I’m a decent-looking guy. Sometimes I can look great, and other times I look horrifying.”
Sometimes he thinks he looks great and other times he thinks he looks horrifying! HE IS US! You are definitely using “really cool” correctly, Bradley Cooper! If only your quote was a little bit shorter so that it could be featured in this month’s Humblebrag Hall of Fame. (The one thing I will say in Bradley Cooper’s defense is that there is absolutely nothing to say in response to People magazine naming you the Sexiest Man Alive. It is a lose-lose type of win.) Here’s the thing, though, and obviously no homo on this whole post, OK? It’s not gay to just talk about how beautiful another man is, OK? We can all appreciate the grace and form of the human body, OK? But, uh, Bradley Cooper isn’t even THE SEXIEST MAN ON THAT MAGAZINE COVER. (Ryan Gosling inset 3 the win.) Do you agree with me or do you disagree with me? Vote with your votes. TO THE READER POLLS!
VOTE OR DIE. You don’t want to die, do you? DO YOU?! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO
LIVE VOTE FOR!
VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE! GOOD POLL! GOOD VOTE! Bradley Cooper IS The Sexiest Crow Alive!