An Actual Hoverboard As Metaphor For The Rest Of It

Gabe Delahaye | October 27, 2011 - 1:15 pm

Oh, the hoverboard. Sometimes I almost wonder would it not be better had Back to the Future 2 never been made? In some multiverse existence Steven Spielberg has never offered us this poison pill, and we never did swallow such a tormenting vision of the future. THEY DON’T EXIST, BOYS, LET’S ALL MOVE ON. What I’m saying is, we would all love it, and it has driven mankind for well on 22 years, but it’s time to let the dream die. Because not only do hoverboards not exist and will never exist, but our futile attempts to convince ourselves otherwise is opening a whole other can of worms. Sometimes it is nice to simply have dreams and hold them in your heart and know that we live in an imperfect and often disappointing world, but that it has to be enough. Even in the face of some sort of existentialist absurdity, it has to be enough. Because if it’s not, and if we refute what is real, then what we end up with is this lumpy, disgusting, gigantic piece of shit made out of what, painted balsa wood? Floating down three feet of track with the use of a dry ice engine and 10 people standing around to make sure you don’t fall and at the end you’re like “wait, was that it?” Yeah. That was it.

We can lead meaningful lives, I promise. Let’s try that now instead of making hoverboards. You’re not going to ride that thing to work anyway. You’re 100 years old. Feed your kids. (Via HaveYouSeenThis?)