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Gender Neutral Dorms Story Cracks The FOX And Friends Gang UP (While Also Terrifying Them, Obviously)

By Gabe Delahaye / October 27, 2011 - 10:15 am

Grinnell College in Iowa has designated a couple of floors in one of its dormitories “gender neutral” at the request of their transgendered students. Obviously, that shit is just TOO MUCH for the gang at FOX and Friends (OUR generation’s The Today Show, I’m sure). Stop! Stop! Gretchen Carlson is going to break a rib! Oh, it’s too hilarious. Apparently? I mean, it’s true that these shiny pieces of human garbage can’t stop laughing, and at one point they have to stop the “reporting” because one of the cameramen is laughing? Cool cameraman. I feel like at this point in my life I know a thing or two about jokes, and I definitely don’t get it. Let’s go back over it: a group of marginalized college students, during their transition into adulthood after an entire life of self-doubt, discomfort, and social ostracization, decided that they would like to create an area on campus in which they could live in peace and feel safe and accepted in their own living quarters? No, that is fucking hilarious. Of course, after covering the facts of this story between coughs (COUGHfaggotsCOUGH), the gang at FOX and Friends gets serious for a second to engage in what has to be the most complicated performance of facetious, fear-mongering AND hate-mongering, anti-logical rhetoric that I’ve ever seen:

Like, OK, it’s one thing to hate gay, lesbian, and transgendered people. Most of us do. They’re so gross! But, I LOOOOOOOOVE it when Steve Doocey creates an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE in which his daughter is suddenly NOT going to Boston University, but is instead going to Grinnell University in Iowa, and on top of that, she has somehow ended up on one of the gender neutral dorm floors even though those rooms are usually given out BY REQUEST, and she ends up TAKING A SHOWER IN A SHOWER NEXT TO A SHOWER WHERE A MAN IS TAKING A SHOWER. Steve Doocey would NOT like that. You know the completely made up and entirely impossible scenario that he just made up in his boring but fevered brain? Yeah, no way, Jose. Don’t even think about making his daughter fill out the lengthy college transfer paperwork and then also forge her name onto a document requesting placement on the gender neutral dorm floor and then also somehow be a man who may or may not even have any interest in women but probably not based on everything else we know and who might even have a lot deeper issues with his sexuality at this point than even knowing what he wants taking a shower next to Steve Doocey’s precious daughter. Get out of town! What’s next? GENDER NEUTRAL DOGS MARRYING SNAKES IN THE SHOWER? (Via EqualityMatters.)