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Anderson Cooper Is A Real Journalist

Gabe Delahaye | September 28, 2011 - 1:15 pm

As you may know, Anderson Cooper now has his own daytime talk show, which is every journalist’s dream, I’m sure. Apparently, it’s some kind of “male version” of Ellen, which is not actually a thing, so it is basically just Ellen. There was a clip going around a week or two ago in which Anderson Cooper got a spray tan with Snooki and some people were making light of this clip because they pointed out that Anderson Cooper had spent his career entering warzones and reporting actual news stories and now he was getting a spray tan with Snooki, but the truth is that getting a spray tan with Snooki is a pretty reasonable light-hearted celebrity profile segment, which is what people with daytime talk shows make. So, sure. I’m much more fascinated by this new clip in which Anderson Cooper tries coffee and spinach for the first time. WHAT?! First of all, how are you going to be an adult human being in the year 2011 who lives in New York City and is the descendent of robber barons and you have a successful television career and you’ve never at least TRIED coffee and/or spinach? What’s the matter with you? What a piece of shit! I mean, I know that life is long and complicated and sometimes things just happen, but open your mouth and open your mind, buddy! Even more importantly, though, HOW IS THIS A TELEVISION SHOW?! Who cares?! Is there something about coffee and spinach that I’m not aware of? Are those somehow endlessly fascinating things to watch people experience for the first time? Based on the clip the answer to those two questions is “NOPE”:

I love that he takes one sip of coffee and declares “I don’t get it.” Right. You are probably the most thoughtful and interesting thinker of our time. They’re changing the name of the Peabody Awards to the Coopers. The worst part about this whole thing is how dull and fake it is. Like, taking your first sip of coffee ever on your TV show and immediately declaring that you don’t get it and then taking a bite of spinach and making a face and going “that’s gross!” is so pre-planned and rehearsed and has nothing to do with your actual first reaction to a new thing. It’s boring and childish. Good show. Hold on, I’m calling the cable company and seeing if there’s a way to get a second DVR box just to record this show (so that I never have to delete an episode to make space for BONES) (just kidding, still do not know what Bones is). The best part, though, of course, is the audience LOSING ITS MIND. “LOOK AT HIS FACE HE IS EATING SPINACHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!HH!H!H!H!H!H!!H!H!”

Anyway, just thought you should know about this cool new show from a very smart journalist. Anderson Cooper. Check your local listings!!!!