ATTENTION CITIZENS! PLEASE PROCEED TO YOUR NEAREST ROBOT UPRISING EMERGENCY SHELTER AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTION!

By Gabe Delahaye / August 8, 2011

ATTENTION CITIZENS! PLEASE PROCEED TO YOUR NEAREST ROBOT UPRISING EMERGENCY SHELTER AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTION! WE ARE NOT TRYING TO ALARM ANYONE, BUT YOUR SAFETY AND SECURITY ARE OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE AND THERE IS NO TIME TO WASTE. GATHER YOUR LOVED ONES AND ANY MEANINGFUL ITEMS OR SURVIVAL SUPPLIES THAT CAN FIT IN ONE SMALL DUFFEL BAG AND FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS YOU HAVE ALREADY RECEIVED FOR IMMEDIATE EVACUATION TO ONE OF OUR UNDERGROUND ROBOT UPRISING EMERGENCY SHELTERS. ONCE EVERYONE IS SETTLED WE WILL BEGIN THE SLOW AND DANGEROUS PROCESS OF DESTROYING THE ROBOTS IN AN APOCALYPTIC WAR AGAINST OUR OWN CREATIONS, AND HOPEFULLY, AS LONG AS THE ROBOTS DO NOT BLOT OUT THE SUN WITH SOME SORT OF PERMANENT NUCLEAR WINTER, WE WILL, EVENTUALLY REBUILD A NEW, BETTER, MORE PEACEFUL SOCIETY WHERE ADVANCED SCIENCE AND THE NATURAL WORLD ARE GIVEN EQUAL RESPECT AND ATTENTION. BUT FOR NOW: RUNNNNNNNNNNNN! FOR THOSE WHO ARE OF FIGHTING AGE, WE HAVE INCLUDED A BRIEF TACTICAL VIDEO DEMONSTRATING THESE TERRIFYING NEW MACHINES’ DESTRUCTIVE CAPABILITIES:

CITIZENS DO NOT BE FOOLED! THE DELICIOUS LOOKING COOKIES THAT DON’T EVEN LOOK THAT DELICIOUS AND OH MAN DID YOU SEE HOW THE ROBOT WAS MIXING THINGS IN THE BOWL THAT WAS HILARIOUS BUT BACK TO MY ORIGINAL POINT THE DELICIOUS LOOKING COOKIES ARE AN ATTEMPT TO LURE US OUT OF OUR EMERGENCY SHELTERS WHERE THE SUPERIOR ROBOTS WILL VAPORIZE US WITH THE PARTICLE GUNS THAT THEY DESIGNED THEMSELVES ONCE THEY BECAME SELF-AWARE AND EXPONENTIALLY INTELLIGENT. WE REPEAT: DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE DELICIOUS LOOKING COOKIES! (Via Presurfer.)