Dr. Birdie: The Human Whisperer (A Real Advice Column)
Guys, Videogum is proud to introduce our new advice column: Dr. Birdie: The Human Whisperer. It’s hard out there for a shrimp, and it’s not getting any easier. So email Birdie with any questions you might have and she will give you advice. (Before you even bother starting in with this one, though, let’s just get it right on out of the way: she gets her ideas from the pet store.) Her email address is firstname.lastname@example.org. THIS IS FOR REAL. She will genuinely try and help you with your problems. Bear in mind, of course, that she is a dog, and that her advice is the advice a dog would give, because she is a dog, like I said. But she’s a hard worker (see: holes in carpet, also wall) and her attention span is improving. But she can’t help you if you don’t tell her what the problem is. Do you have a moral dilemma? Are you going through a bad break up? Is there something you’ve been wanting to get off your chest but you aren’t sure how? Ask Dr. Birdie! You can get as deep and as personal as you would like but do remember that she is a dog and she doesn’t understand some stuff, like the concept of time, or baby gates.
To prove how serious she is about this, she even made a local commercial offering her services that she ensures me is a real commercial that will apparently be showing on the Bark Network? (Woof.)
Ask Dr. Birdie: the Human Whisperer! Let’s get better!