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We Should All Be So Lucky As To Find Something In This World That Makes Us Happy: Fancy Rat Convention

By Gabe Delahaye / June 7, 2011 - 12:00 pm

What is most baffling about the Anthony Wiener scandal is the fact that it’s REALLY hard to “accidentally” tweet a picture of your dick even when you aren’t famous. Like, I have neither a family nor a rising political career to lose, and yet I’ve never even come close to doing such a thing. Not even CLOSE! It’s not just that there aren’t any dick pics on my phone, although let me assure you, there aren’t any dick pics on my phone (sorry ladies, I’m sure) but also it’s kind of a drag to post photos on Twitter? You have to select them from your gallery and upload them, or you have to take a new photo and approve it, but in any case, you are definitely about to tweet a photo, and that photo is apparently of your dick, and you are a public figure with a wife who works in the State Department and a genuine shot at the New York mayor’s office in 2016 so what is even going on here? You probably shouldn’t even have a Twitter account. Let one of your summer interns post updates about which charity pancake breakfast you are attending. (Apparently I am now a professional political campaign manager. Congratulations to me on this achievement!) I guess when you are tweeting your dick to six different women including one porn star it can get kind of complicated. These guys know what I’m talking about. But perhaps what is most discouraging about the situation is that it is yet another stark reminder that no matter how high we climb in this life (and sometimes very much because we have climbed so high) we are too often dissatisfied with our lot in life and this deep-seated unhappiness leads us to take dangerous and self-destructive and most importantly ineffective steps towards trying to fulfill that gaping existential need for something, anything, we don’t even know what usually. It’s kind of a bummer!

So, you know, if you want to sew little fancy clothes for rats and then get together in a convention-style setting to share your creations with other people who share your interest, it certainly doesn’t seem to be hurting anyone and hopefully it makes you happy. Lucky you then!

The first rule of Fancy Rats Club is NO SEXTING. (Via Dlisted.)