Pauly Shore is looking for a new assistant. NO WAIT COME BACK! Just kidding. You didn’t leave. You don’t want that job. Wheeze the juice!
The official description is “assistant,” but really you would be more of a BUUUUUUUDDY.
Did you know that Pauly Shore was still alive?
Did you think you were applying to work on the Jersey Shore?
Are you sure you want this job? I know it’s a tough economy but I mean it’s Pauly Shore
During the interview process, be sure to mention how much you loved the song “Unskinny Cock” which he wrote and performed for “Show Us Your Hits” the Poison Tribute Album.
I’m not making that up, by the way, it’s straight from IMDB. I wish I were funny enough to have dreamed that up.
TMZ says they’ve hired somebody for it. I’m crushed. All my showbiz dreams, down the toilet.
Thanks for getting my hopes up, Kelly.
I’m sorry, but I’ve already accepted a position with Tiffani Thiessen Enterprises. Thank you for your consideration.
I only apply to jobs on craigslist.
Fingers Crossed that Andy Dick still needs someone!
~*~*~*~Rara H. Internetter*~*~*~*~
Summary of Qualifications:
I’ve spent the last 10 years developing a curly hair regimen that will certainly be helpful in this position. Working knowledge of Encino Man gifs and bell bottom purveyors. Fluent in Mac, PC, Twitter, proper usage of the term “Buuuuddy”. I have the entire run of “Totally Pauly” available on VHS, from which I have cut all commercials with my excellent use of the VCRs pause button. I am confident in my assertion that Bio-Dome was not, in fact, a rewrite of a failed 3rd Bill and Ted movie. I watched “Mr Rhodes”.
-References from Brendan Fraser Inc, available upon request.
Well wasn’t one of the Kardashians a celeb assistant to some other talentless waste of space? This could be THE stepping stone to the D-list stoner comedy circuit and you could even get your own MTV show (provided you had a time machine — your OWN time machine). Maybe even a guest spot on Entourage! ENTOURAGE!
“Hi. It’s Frank Lloyd Wrong from Mr. Shore’s office. Is his Rogaine prescription ready to be picked up?… Excuse me?… Yes, I know I called in a prescription refill last week. Apparently he’s run out…. No, I do NOT know what he does with it and if I did, I CERTAINLY would not share that information with you.”
Hmmm… that feels right. I’ll apply posthaste.
Must care about (and have experience with) nugs, chillin’, and grindage.
Finding, excavating, and thawing cavemen
Impressing farmers’ daughters’ fathers
Something something Jury Duty
Something something Biodome
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