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Is Vin Diesel A Slice Of Toast?

Gabe Delahaye | May 25, 2011 - 2:00 pm

So, Vin Diesel has been in the news a lot lately. (Hahaha, I will be here ALL WEEK, ladies and germs, and I will also be here some more after that!) First he was in Fast Five Fast Furious, which I still haven’t seen because I’m waiting for it to come out on Criterion just kidding. Today he is back in the news talking about, like, an R-rated Chronicles of Riddick movie he wants to make on a low budget? On Facebook or something? Perfect. It’s called giving the people what they want. “More Riddick movies!” are what all the signs say outside of City Hall, you know, where the protests are? All of this, of course, raises the question:

Is Vin Diesel a slice of toast?

I’m not saying that he is! I’m just here to ask the tough questions. DON’T SHOOT THE ASKER. But think about it, you guys: if you squished up a slice of toast into a big wad and stuffed it into a tank top and made it grind a rail on a metal cafeteria tray (where do they have metal cafeteria trays, by the way? Like what cafeteria do you know? Lunchtime!) it would have about the same charisma and appeal as Vin Diesel. I’m not sure who likes Vin Diesel, but everybody likes toast! Maybe people are just responding to his TOASTNESS and that is what is getting him movies? Food for thought. AHHAHAHAHAH. (Is it Friday?)