GET WELL SOON, CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
Oh no! Catherine Zeta-Jones is not feeling well! From FOX News:
Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones checked herself into a mental hospital to treat Bipolar II Disorder, her rep tells People magazine.
Wait, she’s sick for real? I saw “rehab” and I just assumed she had “exhaustion” or something. Bipolar II Disorder actually sounds like a real thing. Now how are we supposed to make funnn of herrrrr?! But also, wait another second, isn’t Catherine Zeta-Jones, like, 60 years old and doesn’t she have one million dollars in her checking account? Who are these doctors who are just diagnosing her with Bipolar II Disorder now? Come on, doctors, this is the T-Mobile lady we are talking about here, not just some regular HUMAN BEING! (Oh, apparently, according to Wikipedia, it is very hard to diagnose. SORRY, DOCTORS! SORRY I GAVE YOU SUCH A HARD TIME, DOCTORS! Also, congrats to the Wikipedia page for Bipolar II Disorder for already having a Catherine Zeta Jones addendum.) Obviously, our hearts and prayers go out to Catherine Zeta-Jones and her family during this difficult time. I’m only being HALF-facetious! Bipolar II Disorder sounds terrible. Get well soon, Catherine Zeta-Jones. This guy knows what I’m talking about.