Rise & Grind my dolls!!!!
Hello, Monsters. My name is Joe Mande. Some of you may know me as a stand-up comedian from cable television, the author of a very cool and timeless Urban Outfitters book, or the asshole who keeps trying to get into a Twitter war with Frankie Muniz. But today, however, I will be taking one for the team Gabe and assuming the role as guest-blogger for Videogum. Needless to say, I do not take this task lightly. In my opinion, Gabe Delahaye—despite being well over 60 years old—is the best writer on the Internet and should be awarded the title of Blogger Laureate of the United States by your “President” Barack HUSSEIN Obama.
There are two very important things you need to know about me. First, I’m kind of an idiot. So let’s all temper our expectations. Second, I’m mildly (mildly means completely, right?) obsessed with Black culture, so don’t be surprised if the source for all of today’s “news” comes directly from my homepage, mediatakeout.com.
My hope is that today will go smoothly without anything crazy happening. And by “crazy,” I mean I hope Charlie Sheen doesn’t die or anything like that. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not care if Charlie Sheen dies. Actually, I hope Charlie Sheen dies! Fuck that dude! I just don’t want Charlie Sheen to die today. You know what I mean? I think we’d all feel better if Gabe was at the helm of Videogum when Charlie Sheen dies. (Which will be sometime next week, hopefully.)
Anyway, enough of my blathering…let’s dive into some trampoline accidents, shall we?