Apparently, today is Old People Complaining About Things in a Mildly Hilarious Way Day, the most wonderful day of the year, I’m sure. Earlier, of course, we had Rosina Kovar bemoaning the state of the modern anus, and now we have Alan Simpson, former senator of Wyoming and a co-chair on The Deficit Reduction Commission, explaining what is wrong with children today. It starts with the fact that they don’t even write thank you letters to their grandparents (or in Simpson’s case, great-great-great-great-grandparents) when they receive a gift. Fair enough! People SHOULD write thank you notes. That is just a nice thing to do and it shows you have good manners. Admittedly, I am pretty sure the Thank You Letter War was lost about 100 years ago with the invention of the transistor radio. Simpson then goes on to complain about young people “walking on their pants” and wearing their hats backwards (that old chestnut) before finally complaining about the popularity of Enema Man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog.
I will just say this: we owe old people a lot, Amistad-style, shoulders etc, and for the most part I am captain of Team Old People, but I don’t want to hear any more of them complaining that they’re not being taken seriously or that society unjustly tries to write them off while at the same time feeling completely comfortable saying “Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dog” on fucking television. I WILL SHOW YOU SOME RESPECT, SIR, BUT YOU ALSO SHOW EVERYONE YOUNGER THAN 109 SOME RESPECT. It is a two way street. It’s called Respect Street! (Via Dlisted.)