Duh Aficionado Magazine: Sarah Palin Did Not Cause The Arizona Shootings But Is Still An Asshole

By Gabe Delahaye / January 12, 2011

Look, Sarah Palin is not responsible for the horrific shootings that took place in Arizona over the weekend. No duh. Even if it hadn’t been revealed that Jared Loughner had a history of frustration with Giffords, the fact remains that the dude is crazy, and whether or not the contemporary political climate helped to frame his world in such a way that his violent impulses were rationalized or encouraged, it’s hardly the sole or even most important factor. That would be his impossibly easy access to guns. The point that I am trying to make is that laying the blame for this on a JPG on a website is ridiculous, no matter how tasteless the JPG may be–and in this case, the JPG was VERY tasteless! (The thing that is most insane about the Sarah Palin “targets” image to me is that it was STILL UP on her website in the first place. That image came out in March of last year, and she was roundly criticized for it, so why didn’t she just save herself some grief and take it down? Fucker just left it up? WHAT AN ASSHOLE!) So, to try and place any meaningful blame or responsibility for the terrible shootings on Sarah Palin’s shoulders is both incorrect and inappropriate. That being said, THOSE SHOULDERS SURE ARE AN ASSHOLE’S SHOULDERS.

Ugh, this woman!

First of all, you are aware by now of the whole “surveyor’s symbols” thing? How Sarah Palin’s camp is claiming that the symbols on her map aren’t gunsight targets at all, but rather are symbols used in landscape architecture? Excuse me, but FUCK YOU. It’s one thing to be frustrated that you’re getting unwarranted criticism for a thing that is not your fault–fair enough–but do not start with the condescending bullshit nightmare lies. Those are gun targets. The end. I rest my case. You rested my case for me by, you know, USING GUN TARGETS ON YOUR PICTURE. The fact that they would even dare to mention “surveyor’s symobls” is just straight up VILLAINOUS. (And this is just straight up parodic.)

And now she has released her first official video* statement, and boy oh boy, I kind of wish she hadn’t.

Ugh, you can just hear by the Community Theater dramatic inflections that she peppers throughout the speech that she doesn’t even know what half of the words mean. And I love (I don’t love) how she opens the speech with a reference to the death of innocents. Cool. What better place to insert a coded reference for her rabid base about the on-going (sometimes violent) fight over abortion rights? Certainly this is the time and the place. It is also the time and place for this woman to once again insert herself into the national conversation in the most self-aggrandizing way possible. ENOUGH. She has nothing to say, ever. The lazy empty rhetoric about democracy and the will of the people and the glory of America has NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. Either we agree that this act of violence was the work of a mentally unhinged lunatic, in which case Sarah Palin’s defense is just that, or we agree that the shootings WERE directly caused by our volatile political climate, in which case I guess it makes sense that Sarah Palin needs to defend her Soaring Eagle Vision for America’s White Future. Do you see what I mean? She’s kind of building up the same defense that she is arguing she doesn’t need to build. WELL, WHICH IS IT, YOU DUMMY? (Super weird that Sarah Palin would do something that is intensely self-interested without being remotely logical. Very unlike her.) Also, pro-tip for the future, Sarah Palin, when giving your first public statement after a tragic violent shooting in which six people are killed and 19 are injured, including children, a tragic violent shooting for which you are widely–if incorrectly–criticized and blamed, how about you avoid using the word “BITTERSWEET” at any point in your speech whatsoever. Fuck. (Oh, and you might want to avoid “blood libel” too, at least until you LOOK IT UP.)

In closing, Sarah Palin is not to blame, but Sarah Palin is the worst. (Via GotchaMedia.)

*Is it just me, or is it somehow hilarious that Sarah Palin is on Vimeo?