R.I.P. Larry King Live

By Gabe Delahaye / December 17, 2010

Relax, you guys, Larry King is still alive! It is just his show that has died. Last night marked the final broadcast of Larry King Live on CNN, ending its 25 year run. That is a very long run! Did you watch his final show? OF COURSE NOT! No one did. Sorry, Larry King! Xoxo. According to the Hollywood Reporter it was a “royal send-off.” Get it? His last name is King! For your consideration, Mr. Pulitzer. What does a “royal send-off” even mean, though? Like, he was literally carried around the studio on the shoulders of slaves? (I’ve got a very serious and very real idea of what modern royalty is like. I read a lot of magazines.) Can we really call interviewing Barbara Walters and Bill Clinton while Bill Maher and Ryan Seacrest sit beside you cracking wise a “royal send-off”? ANYWAY, that’s that.

Shrug.

I mean, no offense to Larry King, but that show incepted fewer memories in 25 years on the air than Seito did on layer 1, but at least Seito’s excuse is that the dream shot him, or whatever. Seriously, I know it was an institution, and Larry King certainly interviewed all the famous people, but can you think of a single thing that was meaningful or important or even just MEMORABLE to come out of that show? “Well, there was the one where the old man sat across from the person accused of a crime or maybe they were there for some other reason and he lazily asked them softball questions with an intense air of distraction and fatigue.” Right. The Hollywood Reporter article (your #1 resource for Larry King Live Final Episode news) calls this the end of an era. What was the era? Honestly, the only thing that I can think of that is going to be different is that when a fake president in a movie goes on the real talk shows to give the movie a sense of realism, Larry King Live will no longer be one of the shows. Also, this:

After his entrance [into Spago for the goodbye party], King told THR when asked about Schlatter’s suggestion he do standup comedy that he is thinking about it.

“It’s one of the things I’m looking at,” said King. “It’s something I would like to do.”

Hahahaha. Oh man. Oh wow. Yuck. It’s one of the things he’s looking at? STANDUP COMEDY? Take your time, Larry. Take as much time as you need to really WEIGH YOUR OPTIONS. Maybe he can make jokes about this:

King not only plans to say active, but he plans to stay around as well. In 2009, he told Conan O’Brien on The Tonight Show that he wants to be cryogenically preserved upon his death.

Oy. Really, Larry King? Cyrogenically preserved? Dude interviewed sitting Presidents and heads of state and he never bothered asking someone if that was a really stupid thing to do?

Or he can make jokes about this:

Larry King, everybody. He talked to people sometimes. Now he won’t.