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Headline Of The Day: “Model Anivia Cruz-Dilworth Charged For Performing Illegal Buttocks Injections With Bathtub Caulking”

By Gabe Delahaye / November 29, 2010 - 2:45 pm

If there is any problem with this crime it is that it is TOO perfect:

BOTTLES (of bath tub caulk) AND MODELS, Y’ALL!

Yikes. Needless to say, that is your girlfriend, performing your surgical procedure on your body. Here’s some details from the accompanying article:

According to court documents, Cruz-Dilworth told the women that she was a trained professional and that she would inject them with a substance the 28-year-old called “hydro-gel,” which is supposed to enhance the buttock. Instead, the New Brunswick resident injected her clients with a silicone sealant, the very same material used to caulk bathtubs. The injection sites were also sealed with Krazy Glue. [Ed. note: emphasis mine because GOOD GOD.]

What is the emoticon for a face that is crying and barfing and laughing at the same time?

I like this part, though:

According to investigators, Cruz-Dilworth would charge her clients a discounted rate of $ 650 to $ 1,200 for a procedure that would normally range from $ 10,000 to $ 15,000. The plus-sized model would usually travel to a client’s home, but sometimes they would come to her apartment, located in a gated community, to receive the services.

Haha. “The plus-sized model.” GOT HER. (I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with plus-sized models. I AM saying that they take a long enough time to include this fact in the article that it seems pretty readable as a zing. Also: she is a horrible criminal so fuck her. They should call her a yuck-sized model. They should call her FAT.)

Anyway:

Dear ladies,

Please be even just a little bit more careful out there.

Thanks,
Dr. Duh.

(Via ATLnightspots.com. Thanks for the tip, @malgs.)