Headline Of The Day: “Model Anivia Cruz-Dilworth Charged For Performing Illegal Buttocks Injections With Bathtub Caulking”
If there is any problem with this crime it is that it is TOO perfect:
BOTTLES (of bath tub caulk) AND MODELS, Y’ALL!
Yikes. Needless to say, that is your girlfriend, performing your surgical procedure on your body. Here’s some details from the accompanying article:
According to court documents, Cruz-Dilworth told the women that she was a trained professional and that she would inject them with a substance the 28-year-old called “hydro-gel,” which is supposed to enhance the buttock. Instead, the New Brunswick resident injected her clients with a silicone sealant, the very same material used to caulk bathtubs. The injection sites were also sealed with Krazy Glue. [Ed. note: emphasis mine because GOOD GOD.]
What is the emoticon for a face that is crying and barfing and laughing at the same time?
I like this part, though:
According to investigators, Cruz-Dilworth would charge her clients a discounted rate of $ 650 to $ 1,200 for a procedure that would normally range from $ 10,000 to $ 15,000. The plus-sized model would usually travel to a client’s home, but sometimes they would come to her apartment, located in a gated community, to receive the services.
Haha. “The plus-sized model.” GOT HER. (I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with plus-sized models. I AM saying that they take a long enough time to include this fact in the article that it seems pretty readable as a zing. Also: she is a horrible criminal so fuck her. They should call her a yuck-sized model. They should call her FAT.)
Please be even just a little bit more careful out there.