Hey, there isn’t a new TV show premiering next month in which Vanilla Ice flips mansions in Palm Beach, Florida is there? Because that just seems like such a ridiculous premise for a show. So, I’m sure there isn’t a show like that, right? Oh. There is? Weird. From the New York Times:
On Oct. 14 at 9 p.m. E.S.T., the DIY Network will show the first episode of “The Vanilla Ice Project,” Mr. Van Winkle’s new reality series. The show, which documents his skills as a handyman, follows him and a team of workers as they renovate a 7,000-square-foot, six-bedroom house in Palm Beach, Fla.
Haha. SURE. You know what? I THROW MY HANDS UP AT THIS POINT. Between this and Steven Seagal Is A Police Boy and Tony Danza’s Yo Teach!, I’m not even sure why I continue to feign surprise. OF COURSE there is a show about Vanilla Ice flipping mansions in Palm Beach, Florida. NO DUH. What did you expect? For Vanilla Ice NOT to make a show about flipping mansions in Palm Beach, Florida? Now who is the one being weird?
Trailer for The Vanilla Ice Project, which is real, after the jump:
Obviously, that is your home designer. SO LET’S TALK TO HIM!
New York Times: Did you start building and renovating homes because you were interested in design? [Ed note: Good question! If you may allow me to answer: no. He didn’t.]
Vanilla Ice: Not at all. Basically, when I had a lot of money when I was younger, I said — like most rock stars who are young and dumb — let me go buy a bunch of houses. So I bought houses in L.A., in Laurel Canyon right next door to Michael J. Fox; on Star Island, next door to Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith; in Utah; and on Bleecker Street in New York City.
Three years went by. I never used any of them, and I thought it was the worst investment of my life. So I said, “Let’s sell everything, and I’ll have one primary house here in Miami.”
When I sold them, I made, on each one of them, $300,000 to $400,000. I stopped in my tracks and said, “It can’t be that easy.” But it was.
Cool? Cool story? I can just hear him saying that in a pitch meeting and they were, like, “CUT! PRINT!” It’s almost too fascinating to
NYT: Tell me about the house in Palm Beach.
VI: It was a tax-lien property. We auctioned on it. The house, before I even touched it, already appraised at over $800,000, and I got it for $400,000, so I had a lot of room to play with. It was completely gutted — they took every cabinet, every sink, every toilet, every door and door frame.
VI: It worked out good for me, because it shows really nasty on the show, and then we fix it up amazing. I use a lot of new things in this house that people have never seen in home building before, like ultra-modern, cool, high-tech things that even if you don’t care about Vanilla Ice you’re going to be entertained by. [Ed. note: EVEN if you don’t care about Vanilla Ice!]
NYT: Like what?
VI: Most people aren’t accustomed to seeing mood lighting. If you’re in a bad mood, the lights will go red, and they’ll go blue if you’re in a good mood. [Ed. note: IT’S NOT A HOUSE, IT’S A HOME!]
NYT: How does that work?
VI: There’s some kind of sensor, like I guess a mood-ring sensor thing. I really don’t know, I still can’t figure out how it works, but it’s amazing. They’re all done in fiber optics. When they’re off, you can’t tell they’re in the house. [Ed. note: Ah yes, state-of-the-art mood-ring sensor thing lights.]
Golden age of television, I’m sure.