Bridalplasty: The Final TV Show Ever Made Before Mankind Slips Quietly Into The Dust
It has long been believed that the world would end in 2012, but new information suggests that the world might end as early as whenever the fuck this new show called Bridalplasty on E! is coming out. Holy cow. From the Hollywood Reporter:
In one of the most shocking reality TV ideas yet, E! has ordered a new series that crosses a wedding competition with extreme plastic surgery.
The network is set to announce “Bridalplasty,” where brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win extensive surgical procedures.
Sure, we’ve all seen brides-to-be competing in wedding themed challenges to win minor surgical procedures, but finally, a show in which brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win EXTENSIVE surgical procedures. Neat!
“All of my ancestors have guided me to this moment and I stand on all of their shoulders to watch this horrifying nightmare show.” — Amistad.
Is it possible for America to CHOP ITS OWN HEAD OFF? But wait, it gets better (so worse). Wait until you hear the FULL DESCRIPTION:
Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons. The winner receives the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her “wish list.” She’s given the procedure immediately, and results are shown at the start of the following week’s episode.
One by one, the women are voted out by their competitors and, according to the show’s description, “possibly walking away with nothing and losing [their] chance to be the perfect bride.”
The last bride standing will receive a “dream wedding,” where she will reveal her new appearance to friends, family and the groom. “Viewers will witness his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar and he lifts her veil to see her for the first time following her extreme plastic surgery,” E! said.
HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE: “she is given the procedure immediately” “walking away with NOTHING” “losing the chance to be the PERFECT BRIDE” and “his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar.” Look, I’m not actually going to crack my brain in half and go on a killing spree, but if there was ever a reality show that could possibly crack my brain in half and force me to go on a killing spree, Bridalplasty would be in the TOP THREE. If anything, it just makes me feel old? Because I can already hear my hover-grandchildren out on the iPorch making fun of me for thinking that you shouldn’t show a woman’s anus being ripped out through her mouth on live television. “Face it, grandpa,” they are all laughing and downloading, “your time is OVER,” not even realizing that my time been had over for years.