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EXCLUSIVE: First Look At The Magic 8 Ball Movie Script

Gabe Delahaye | April 28, 2010 - 3:35 pm

Really, Hollywood? A movie based on magic 8 ball toys?

“Really” — Hollywood.

From DeadlineHollywood:

Paramount has extended its business with Mattel, optioning the venerable toy Magic 8 Ball to use as the basis for a live action adventure film. The deal is being put in place by Paramount Motion Picture Group president Adam Goodman, and will be produced by Brad Weston through his overall deal on the Par lot. Jon Gunn and John Mann will write the script. Mattel’s Tim Kilpin and Barry Waldo are exec producers. The toy has 20 pre-set answers to whatever questions one can ask about their past and present and their fortunes.

Haha. That last sentence is for the DOUBTERS. In your face, DOUBTERS. (DOUBTERS = HUMAN BEINGS.) 20 pre-set answers? More like 20 pre-set OSCARS. After the jump, we have an EXCLUSIVE look at the 8 ball movie’s screenplay!

INT. SUBMARINE – BRUNCH

Secret Agent Body Canks stares at his stubbled, weary face in the mirror. In one hand, he holds a razor blade and a gun and a bottle of pills. In the other hand he is rolling THE MAGIC 8 BALL.

BODY CANKS
Should I fulfill President Bieber’s secret assignment and launch the nuclear warhead? Or should I kill myself?

Body Canks shakes THE MAGIC 8 BALL.

MAGIC 8 BALL
Kill yourself. Definitely.

Just then there is a radio call from the bridge.

BRIDGE
Mr. Canks, sir, I think I accidentally pushed the wron–

The screen goes white.

CUT TO:

INT. HEAVEN – DINNER
Everyone is in heaven just like God said it would be.

Goooood movie! One adult for this movie, please!