Duh Aficionado Magazine: Adults Do Not Ever Find Fred Funny

By Gabe Delahaye / December 8, 2009

Fred is getting his own movie? Fred is getting his own movie. If you don’t know who Fred is, then you are probably almost as old as I am (I am 109 years old), but the kids love him and they want to abandon the archaic tradition of marriage with him. More about Fred here (and here). The news that Fred was getting a movie first surfaced in July, but today the New York Times has a whole article about it. It sounds great! (It doesn’t sound great.):

“Fred: The Movie” follows the character as he tries to track down Judy. Along the way he digs a hole from his backyard to hers, fantasizes about an invisibility suit, gets lost in some woods, becomes buried in sand and, when he finally does find Judy, vomits on her.

It’s weird that they don’t let more 16-year-olds playing 6-year-olds write their own movies! “There is a Candy Wizard but he is tired, and then one day a pony gives a kiss.” Gives who a kiss? Shut up, what do you know about entertainment, OLD MAN?! Anyway, I’m not the intended audience for this, and that’s fine. I’m not the intended audience for a lot of (most) things! I’ll still drive you and your brother to the mall, but we are listening to NPR on the way, because Brokencyde just sounds like noise to me. But I don’t like how the makers of Fred: The Movie are pretending like someday I will be the audience for this:

Fred’s high-pitched voice and his higher-pitched antics strike a lot of adults as fingernails on a chalkboard, but children fall on the floor laughing. Mr. Robbins said that his young sons and their friends helped convince him there was film potential in the character, which also scored high with potential audiences in research testing.

“If you’re an adult, you’re a little put off at first — what is this?” said Gary Binkow, the chief executive of the Collective’s Salient Media division. “But once you start watching, you realize it’s hilarious.”

Nope! Once I start watching, I don’t realize it’s hilarious! I’ve known about Fred for awhile now, and I have watched more Fred videos than I would care to admit (because I want to know what to talk about when I am swinging on the flippity flop), and it is true that I am “a little put off” and that I wonder “what is this?”. But once I start watching it is just more of that.

This is even worse:

[Fred] shrugged. “He’s an acquired taste, I guess,” he said. “Like sushi.”

UGH. Did we all fall into a time machine and go back to 1991? I am pretty sure everyone is in agreement now that sushi is delicious. The last time I saw a joke about how sushi was gross and weird and only eaten by stupid yuppies was in a 1-800-COLLECT commercial.

I hope that Fred is better at making movies than he is at making analogies!