Videogum

Richard Heene Is Tearing Us Apart

Gabe Delahaye | October 20, 2009 - 5:20 pm

A neighbor of the Heenes gets in an actual fight with the camera crews hanging around his neighborhood? An actual fight?! BUBBLE BOY STRIKES AGAIN!

Oh jeez.

“From behind? From behind?”
–that guy’s tombstone

I do love when he tells the person on the other end of the phone (who I am assuming is a police dispatcher) that he is going to “fight 20 people if you don’t get down here.” Uh, good luck? If I was the person on the other end of the phone I might not come down here just in order to see what happens. I mean, come on, Bonesaw. That is a ton of people to fight, even for a Human Whirlwind.

But also this is terrible. EVERYONE NEEDS TO JUST CALM DOWN. I know that the relief we felt when we learned that Falcon Heene was alive and well has now transformed into equally virulent black-oil rage, because of how much we all hate when little children are safe for NO REASON, but violence (against non-Heenes) is not the answer.

Do you remember in Ghostbusters 2 how Vigo’s river of sentient emotion slime absorbed all of New York City’s negative energy? Richard Heene is our generation’s Vigo’s River of Sentient Underground Negative Emotion Slime! I’m not sure how the Ghostbusters defeated that river because that movie came out more than 2,300 years ago and it was kind of so-so, in retrospect, but I’m pretty sure that at the very least we need to seal the museum and start playing “Higher and Higher” through the Statue of Liberty’s sound system.

Better.

(Fight video via Dlisted.)