Check out the movie poster for Dwayne Johnson’s new movie, Tooth Fairy. Very powerful stuff. I’m sure members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences see this poster and are like “honey, pass me my ballot. I’m submitting my nominees for all of the Academy Awards early this year.” The movie just sounds really good:
A bad deed on the part of a tough minor-league hockey player (Johnson) results in an unusual sentence: He must serve one week as a real-life tooth fairy.
Well, that explains the tooth fairy’s ice skates and knee pads? But one week? I could serve one week as a real-life tooth fairy in my sleep.
Look, Dwayne Johnson, if you want to make a movie about the Tooth Fairy, go ahead and make a movie about the Tooth Fairy. Literally no one is stopping you. You can even save yourself the 10 minutes it would take to come up with an interesting or clever name and just call it Tooth Fairy. But let us be clear on something: your name is The Rock. This has been pointed out before, but enough with the “serious actor” thing. The closest you ever got was Southland Tales, and we know how that turned out.
UNLESS Tooth Fairy is a gripping examination of the military’s legal and moral flexibility in the pursuit of America’s self-defense, in which case, nevermind. (Poster via Daemon’sMovies.)