Classic Locker Room Talk (Now With Auto-Tune)
I guess the original video footage of Baseball Hall-of-Famer George Brett chatting it up with the boys about how much he shits his pants is old. It’s weird that in my insatiable hunger for all things sports, I somehow missed the original. Very, very weird. I love sports and I love things having to do with sports. Anyone who knows me will tell you, “Oh, Gabe? Total sportshead. He particularly loves when athletes win points.” But even if you have already seen the original video, then this autotune remix offers you something new. And if you haven’t seen the original video, OH MY GOODNESS, YOU ARE ABOUT TO WATCH A REALLY SPECIAL VIDEO.
That story is probably the exact perfect length. It couldn’t have been any shorter. It probably wouldn’t have even made any sense if he’d left out any of the details. You wouldn’t even get the GIST of it. Get it all out (I mean the story! Get the whole story out! In your pants!).
Also, why is George Brett so fucking confident about how much he shits his pants? (TWICE A YEAR?) Is there a chapter on shitting your pants in The Secret, or something? Every time he shits his pants, there’s a new bike waiting for him on the porch? Didn’t anyone ever tell him that sometimes being confident means NOT talking about shitting your pants? (Thanks for the tip, Max.)