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Duh Aficionado Magazine: Reality TV Destroys Lives

By Gabe Delahaye / September 11, 2009 - 2:52 pm

It’s very hard to have sympathy for people on reality TV because it’s 2009, and we all know what the rules are at this point. Perhaps in an earlier time, let’s say in a pre-Joe Millionaire world, it might have been possible for someone to join the cast of a reality TV show with the hopes of getting some mild celebrity based on their merit and natural human charm. But not anymore. We know, now, that if you go on reality TV you are going to be edited into a racist narcissist who will fuck anything. Or some variation on a racist narcissist who will fuck anything. Reality TV is built on a foundation of abject humiliation. What’s most interesting is the fact that it doesn’t stop people from going on reality TV. Now that people know how it works, they don’t seem any more inclined to preserve their dignity. I WILL EAT MY OWN FARTS, JUST GET ME ON THAT TV!

But it is so dangerous! Be careful, America!

It is being reported today that Camille from NYC Prep has been asked not to return to her private school this fall. Oh jeez! I mean, Camille was one of the most awful people on that show, with her pretentious SAT vocabulary (I don’t mean that she knew a lot of big words, I mean that she talked about the SAT a lot) and her faux-refined air of class and sophistication as if those things came complimentary with tea at the Plaza. Sorry, Camille, but everyone is allowed to drink tea at the Plaza now. And also you are 16. What you don’t know about class and sophistication could fill a Sotheby’s Auction House.

NEVERTHELESS, she was legitimately a child. She made a grave mistake by going on that show, duh, but it was a mistake that could have been easily avoided. BY ADULTS NEVER HAVING MADE THE SHOW IN THE FIRST PLACE. One of the grown ups responsible for that show, and I am mostly just talking about Andy Cohen, should publicly apologize. And by publicly apologize, of course, I mean spend years in prison. “Apology accepted!”

Shameful. You know what to do, Bravo.

Meanwhile, in Turkey, nine women have been rescued from a fake reality TV show where they were being held captive against their will and forced to exercise in swimsuits for perverts on the Internet.

IS THE WHOLE WORLD’S HEAD IN A YOGURT CUP?

Enough. Shut it down. Shut it all down.