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Breaking Fart News (Get It?): Horse Race Edition

By Gabe Delahaye / September 1, 2009 - 9:13 am

It is a shame that someone thought it would be funny to denigrate the noble sport of horse racing by naming their horse Hoof Hearted. That is not funny, sir, it is disgusting. To think of all the respect that the sport has earned over the years, casually thrown away on the adolescent whim of a man-child. The fellows at the local OTB can hardly even finish their brown-paper-bags of rotgut whiskey and malt liquor. Their shame and disgust at this betrayal from one of their own is almost enough to make them put down their chits and go home to their families. Almost. They’ll take their chances that the next horses have more noble names. Cheesecake Pie, and Doctor Mouth, and Little Balls. They’ll keep gambling for today, in their tattered suits and their smeared coveralls, but please be more careful. Ah, if you’ll excuse me, Tony just threw up in one of the cashier window pass-throughs. I think I’ve made my point, gentlemen. (Thanks for the tip, Becca.)