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Paula Abdul Leaves American Idol In Typically Poor Fashion

By Gabe Delahaye / August 5, 2009 - 9:18 am

Paula Abdul, whoever that is, is leaving American Idol, whatever that is. Just kidding. I know who Paula Abdul is. She’s the lady who popped out of the ink well on Scat Cat’s song. And I’ve heard of American Idol. That’s where Justin Guarini jokes come from. Anyway, goodbye Paula Abdul. You will be missed, I bet, by people who actually watch that awful show. From the Hollywood Reporter:

The “Idol” judge made the announcement on her Twitter feed:

“With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to ‘Idol’ …I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent,but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from Day 1 become an international phenomenon … What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me … It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month … I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all.”

Paula Abdul made an “important” announcement via five consecutive Tweets? UNSUBSCRIBE. I do like this remark in the AP article:

Her tweets, however, seemed to have an air of finality.

That’s a sentence someone wrote. I’m sure the Pulitzer Prize committee is frantically sanding someone else’s name off of a re-assigned medallion as we speak.

Whatever. Paula Abdul was super lame on that already pretty lame show. She provided completely weightless verbal pampering to children, and a target for Ryan Seacrest’s limp jokes. Also she was on drugs. Constantly.

Nevertheless, this must be a difficult time for Paula right now. One can only imagine what she’s going through. Well, that’s not true. One can also watch what she is going through:

Where is God when you need him, because this does not make any sense. Right these guys? The children of Darfur will be praying for you, Paula.