Ugh, Fashion Week. I don’t care about Fashion Week when it’s actually happening, much less long after the fact as a backdrop for an exploitative summer replacement basic cable reality show about over-indulged children with absolutely no self awareness. As far as I am concerned, the entirety of Fashion Week should be sunk to the bottom of Whoops Ocean, and if for some reason that is not possible, then it should be set on fire, and the cooked remains should be fed to poor people. Fashion Week is a crime against humanity. And as this week’s NYC Prep showed: it appeals to children. That makes sense. If ever there was a group that was so turned inward without any respect for their place in a larger world, it would be children. “Sorry, starving people of the world, we would help you out but we need that money to buy clothes made out of feathers that we will wear twice before we grow tired of them.”
I have tried really hard all season to walk some kind of thin, poorly defined, but extant moral line in regards to making fun of this show’s cast, because they are, after all, children. It would just feel icky and wrong to actually say what I think about these people, since they’re obviously not actual people. For one, they’re the two-dimensional pixelated cut-outs of people created by professional reality TV editors and producers. But more importantly, they are children, and children are nothing. Children are mud. Eventually the fires of adulthood will bake them into the semblance of a person (finger snaps) and sure, some of these children already seem well on their way to being Living Nightmares of American Failure, but they are still children, and as such they should be given a certain amount of room to fuck up without some 55-year-old grouch sniping at them from his website.
But these fuckers are making it REALLY hard.
Jessie, with her, to put it mildly, stupid face. So she gets an internship for a fashion designer. I can’t be bothered to remember which one. Being bothered to remember which one is not going to keep the lights on. “Do they make clothes? Yes? Got it.” First Jessie crows about how she got the job at her first job interview and how she has as much work experience as the other girls vying for the job who were seven years older than her. “If you’re seven years older than me and I have the same work experience, that’s just sad,” she interviews. Well, sure, you fucking bitch. Except that a) you are interviewing for an internship, so relax, and b) you only got the internship because you provided the free publicity of a trailing camera crew. And c) what work experience do you have, you joke? Besides, Queen of Sophistication and Work Ethic and Experience, you can’t even handle a single fucking day of being an intern? Jessie quits because the experience wasn’t hands on enough for her. It’s true. She needs someone to be more hands on. Her throat. Choking her. (Not to death. She is a child! Don’t hurt her! Just teach her a lesson!) So she gets an internship for another fashion designer. It’s one of those internships where the very important, very powerful head of the company gives all the interns kisses on the cheek every time that he sees them. You know, bottom of the ladder stuff.
The designer’s name is Carmen Marc Valvo. We are told. A million times. Ugh. Well played, Carmen Marc Valvo! You sold out the integrity of your company, Kelly Cutrone-style, to get your name mentioned in the fourth paragraph of a mean-spirited recap on a pop culture blog. SHOOTING FOR THE MOON WITH YOUR DREAMS! Let’s all go buy some Captain Blark Volvo dresses, youse guys! Whatever. Jessie is getting a lot more hands on experience now. There is no stopping her from…becoming…a PR person…for a fashion company? Whoops, I have to go to the doctor for Incredible Depression! (That is a clinical term. Look it up.) She really needs to spend half of the money she spends on haircuts to hide her crossed eyes (found them anyway!) on getting some better goals.
Meanwhile, PC is ALL ABOUT Fashion Week. What? That’s normal, right? When you grow up in New York you become a sexually ambiguous adult with obnoxious, classist interests a lot faster than other kids. This guy. Unbelievable. Every step of the way. Dude is like the Senior Vice President of the Upper East Side Division in Bad Ideas. His major in college is going to be Complete Lack of Self-Awareness Studies. Has he ever seen TV? Has he ever even seen another human 18-year-old? What is going on here?
IT’S PC, BITCH!
Later, he puts on his eyeliner, and then you know it is GO TIME. Mrwowrrrr.
At one of the THREE Fashion Week shows that he goes to (and that’s just in this episode, lord only knows how busy his Fashion Week schedule was IRL) he does get to meet Katrina Bowden, who plays Cerie on 30 Rock.
That must have been a real dream come true. For her. He also goes to a show with Taylor because he is going to teach Taylor how the world works. OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN over here. Professor Fashion, tenured.
Shut up, PC. I like Taylor’s boyfriend, Cole, better. He is the only person on this whole show who seems like an actual teenager, and although teenagers are awful, it has a charm to it.
PC is starting to take his lumps, though. After the show, he confronts Kelli (who is there with Sebastian. Is Fashion Week the Upper East Side private school kid’s version of the food court at the mall?) and she calls him out for his dinner party antics. Later, PC tries to play it off in front of his friends but even they aren’t buying it. And Taylor interviews that he’s bi-sexual.
Sebastian goes on a date (of course he does) with a cute girl, but much like every date we have ever seen Sebastian on, it doesn’t go very well. His only “move” seems to be tossing his hair backwards, looking at the corner of the ceiling, and telling girls that he speaks French. Who cares? You know who else speaks French? This guy:
And at least he is a talented actor and not just a walking sack of over-excited hormones covered in too much hair.
Meanwhile, Kelli gets a stylist because now she’s going to be a famous singer because that’s how that works. Camille does not approve! Camille doesn’t think that you should change yourself in order to “sell record albums.” Record Albums must be one of those SAT words Camille is always going on about. (Camille is the worst person on this show.)
At two different moments in last night’s episode, they showed that Paris Hilton was in the crowd. And it was confusing, because I am not sure that Bravo was making fun of her, or that they were suggesting that the kids were on a dangerous path to becoming the next Paris. She was just there, like a fact. I’m not saying that Bravo has a moral responsibility to promote positive messages in relation to Paris Hilton, i.e. Paris Hilton is awful and represents the worst of our national impulses and she should be reviled and treated as an anti-heroic example of how not to lead one’s life. I’m not saying they have that responsibility. I’m just saying that’s what they should do, because come on.
Next week: Jessie asks PC if he’s gay, which was probably just an off-handed joke between two teenagers joking around after school one day, but, you know how this show gets when there is an opportunity to hate crime on PC!