Yesterday, Empire posted a new trailer for a horror movie called Triangle. You can watch it here. It looks pretty scary! The plot seems to be that a bunch of yuppies sail their sailboat into Scott Wolf’s White Squall and when they come out on the other side they are in the Bermuda Triangle, and that’s where they discover the Ghost Ship. Careful, that Ghost Ship is full of ghosts! Then it’s all stab you in the face this, shoot you in the face that, and if you see a black cat twice it’s a glitch in The Matrix. People be going out of their minds up in this Ghost Ship!
I don’t know. Go watch the trailer, you’ll figure it out.
But one thing that is also in that trailer is a murderer wearing a floppy sack mask. Oh man, FLOPPY SACK MASKS ARE THE SCARIEST MASKS.
After the jump, a brief history of the floppy sack mask*:
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)
The first recorded (?) floppy sack mask. Hopefully this is one of those trends that will never take off. Like the catchphrase “Mazel.”
Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981)
The floppy sack mask’s first appearance on TV. LET US HOPE IT IS THE LAST.
Friday the 13th, Part Two (1981)
Yikes. Two floppy sack masks in one year is TOO SCARY! Take that floppy sack mask off, you creep! Get yourself a respectable hockey mask, like a gentleman.
[Ed. Note: the 1990s are a period of economic growth and relative peace in the United States. They are also a period of NO FLOPPY SACK MASKS.]
Batman Begins (2005)
Ahhhh! They’re back! This one is not that scary though. Careful, floppy sack mask, Batman is going to beat your butt! And anyway, we had 24 years to recover from the last floppy sack mask.
The Orphanage (2007)
No. No no no no no. The floppy sack mask has JUMPED THE POND. In Spain they are called el masks del floppy sackos. Strangely, that silly name does not make them any less TERRIFYING. Especially because the Spanish seem to have no problems with putting horrifying floppy sack masks on CHILDREN, which only increases their HORRIFYINGNESS.
The Strangers (2008)
By 2008, floppy sack masks were appearing at an exponential rate. Here is the modern floppy sack mask as seen in The Strangers. As you can see, the modern floppy sack mask is just as upsetting as the floppy sack mask has always been, that is the indelible, unchanging misery of the floppy sack mask.
Scientists predict that by 2012, if the world is not covered in water, which it will be, every movie will feature a floppy sack mask.
I hate you, floppy sack masks.
*It is possible that I have missed some examples of floppy sack masks through time. If so, please email these examples (with photographic evidence, if possible) at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am hoping to make this America’s most complete history of the floppy sack mask. For our children.