Gwyneth Paltrow Would Like You To Know About Her Bowel Movements
Doo Doo. Perfect. She probably wrote this one herself because she didn’t trust her ghostwriter to get the tone right. Nailed it.
I’m not entirely clear on the difference between Gwyneth Paltrow’s “relax and enjoy life” phases and her “be in a movie for a few days and do a cleanse for fun on the way to the gym in the middle of the day because what else am I going to do with all this time and money and relax and enjoy life” phases, but I guess that is the purpose of her lifestyle newsletter: to let us know which phase she is in! The good news is that she feels pure! Like the freshly glazed porcelain of the perfect mid-century sink for one’s summer castle! And lighter (I heard that she lost 10 pounds of grease from her legs)!
Gwyneth Paltrow is a crap.