Kathy Griffin Is (Still) A False-Modesty Factory

Chug chug chug! Kathy Griffin can’t stop won’t stop with the ridiculously insincere self-deprecation! Working overtime!

In an interview with the AP today to promote the fifth season of her Bravo TV show, which is still called My Life on the D-List despite its ongoing success and its star’s ever-increasing media prominence, Kathy Griffin continued to insist that the name was appropriate, and that she was still on the D-list, because that’s her schtick, and she’s got to keep making MILLIONS OF DOLLARS off of something.

AP: It’s hard to believe you’re still on the D-list.

Kathy Griffin: I have proof although I’m flattered at the suggestion that I could even be a C-minus. Recently, I was on tour and they delivered me a sandwich and it said Taffy Griffin. Now, I’d like to think that’s maybe what they thought my stripper name was, but no. My name was on the marquee. Sold-out show. Taffy Griffin. I’m on the D-list where I belong.

Right. Someone answering phones at a sandwich shop misheard what one of your personal assistants said to them on a terrible Blackberry connection and instead of assuming that they were making a sandwich for a celebrity, which you are, they simply wrote down what they thought they heard, because minimum wage isn’t worth worrying about that shit. Then the sandwich was delivered to you backstage at a sold-out solo show because that’s how not being famous works! Total proof that you don’t live in a gigantic mansion in Hollywood and star in your own television show in addition to your numerous other television appearances, hosting of Awards shows that were created exclusively for you to host, and multi-million-dollar book deals, because that’s just what it’s like when you’re super not famous. Totally. You are such a humble salt of the Earth. Keep trying, Kathy Griffin, you’ll get there someday. You fucking liar.