Videogum

Who’s Buying All This Paul Blart: Mall Cop?

By Gabe Delahaye / June 4, 2009 - 2:37 pm

For the second week in a row, the DVD release of Paul Blart: Mall Cop remains on the top of the sales AND rental charts. America is to Paul Blart: Mall Cop DVDs as Kirstie Alley is to root beer floats from Sonic. RUUUUUUUUUUN. Reports the Hollywood Reporter:

The Sony Pictures Home Entertainment comedy, which grossed $146.3 million in U.S. theaters, continued to see heavy action at retail, with its rental activity falling off just 26% from the previous week, according to Home Media Magazine market research.

I don’t know what any of those words mean, but I do know that America is retarded. Have you ever been married for so long that you wake up in bed one morning and look at your spouse and think “who are you?” Me neither, but that is a cliched experience that I have heard of before that seems similar to the experience I am having with America. Who are you, American public? What is wrong with you? Get out of my bed!

Seriously, why is everyone buying Paul Blart: Mall Cop?

“I bought it for my wife as an anniversary present because I’m thoughtful.”


“Nothing helps to ease the stress after a long day at the office like a glass of boxed wine and a hilarious, intelligent comedy.”


“I am learn English by watching popular cinema, dude.”


“My tendency is to enjoy things that were made for 13-year-olds.”


“Me and some of the kids from my UCB class get together on Thursdays and watch stupid comedies, like, ironically.”

Seriously, cut it out, everyone. Economic crisis or something. Stop it.