What Should Be The Tagline For Heathers 2?

In a recent interview with Empire magazine (via /Film), Winona Ryder insisted that a Heathers sequel is in the works. Um, why? That movie is great, and doesn’t really demand a sequel. Also, it is 14,000 years old.

Whatever you hear there is a sequel in the works, I swear to God. But for some reason [screenwriter] Dan [Waters] and [director] Michael [Lehman] don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been wanting to do a sequel forever. There is a story, and Christian has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character.

Woof. I know it is stupid to get worked up about a rumor, much less a rumor from a CONVICTED FELON, but a lot of things are stupid. This is stupid. Moving on: on the one hand, it is (barely) reassuring that it’s the same team putting together this completely unnecessary project, rather than some Hollywood monkey. On the other hand “Christian has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character”? We are going to need a bigger UGH.

But, OK. Heathers 2. Sure. So what should the tagline be for this movie that probably doesn’t/will never even exist?

  • Heathers 2: Teenage Suicide, Don’t Space Do It, In Space
  • Heathers 2: Drano Nights
  • Heathers 2.0: What’s Your
  • Heathers 2: I Still Love My Dead Gay Son
  • Heathers 2: Mean Girls 2

Lame. Do better.