Videogum

The Best Description Of A Horror Movie Ever

By Gabe Delahaye / April 20, 2009 - 11:37 am

After the jump, I’ve posted the trailer for a low-budget horror movie called Evil Things. It’s clearly trying to be Blair Witch 3: The Edge of Reason, all hand held night vision video and “don’t go in there”s and classically-trained screaming. Fair enough. Who am I to judge? The director doesn’t come down to my work and slap the kind-of-already-been-done-dude ideas out of my mouth. But the main reason I am posting the video in the first place is just as an excuse to post the official plot description of the movie, because it’s basically the greatest:

It’s Miriam’s 21st Birthday. As a birthday gift, Miriam’s aunt Gail has decided to lend Miriam her beautiful country house for an entire weekend. Aunt Gail’s country house is amazing. It’s a four bedroom house surrounded by breathtaking mountains and miles and miles of woods. Miriam invites her young college friends Cassy, Mark, Tanya and Leo to join her at the country house for what looks to be the most amazing weekend ever. Of course they all jump at the chance to spend a free weekend in the country, in the middle of nowhere. Miriam’s friends are totally in the mood for a big time party weekend. They’re also anxious to escape the dark and gloomy concrete jungle known as Manhattan. Miriam, Cassy and Tanya bring the food. Mark brings the beer and Leo, the aspiring filmmaker, brings his new video camera. Leo hopes to produce a short movie by documenting e very amazing moment of this weekend getaway. Unfortunately, what Leo ends up capturing on camera is not a weekend of peace and tranquility, but a nightmarish descent into pure terror.

WHOA. It really takes a surprising twist at the end there. For a very, very, very, very long time I was convinced that this was going to be the most perfect big time party weekend in a wonderful house ever. But it turns out that it’s THE OPPOSITE OF THAT. Miriam, Casey, and Tanya brought the food, and Mark brought the beer. What could go wrong? Nothing, unless you consider a nightmarish descent into pure terror something going wrong. TOTAL CURVEBALL.

Unnecessary trailer after the jump, as promised.

It’s weird that the description doesn’t mention how much boring driving is in this movie. Show don’t tell, I guess.