Real World: Brooklyn: PUNKS’D

Woof. This show. It just goes to show you, a season of a show can start off really strong, dealing with gender issues and the war in Iraq, but if it’s on MTV then within a few weeks a painful 45 endless minutes will be dedicated to describing a junior high cabin prank gone lame. UGH TOWN: POPULATION LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE. So, JD decides that he wants to prank Sarah and Devyn because of how they yelled at him last week, and especially because outside of Angels and Kings, JD demanded that Sarah apologize and she had the gall not to. Who demands an apology? Why would you even want a demanded apology? Insincere apologies are sad and ineffective, but demanded insincere apologies are just jokes. JD may have degrees in marine biology and psychology, but he clearly did not study Not Being A Fucking Idiot at the collegiate level. So, he is going to buy a rat and put it in Sarah’s bed, because it just makes sense.

To give you some backstory, there are mice in the Real World compound, because that’s what happens when you put eight children in a refurbished warehouse. I’m not telling you this to bore you to death, but I suppose it helps in understanding why someone might find a mouse in their bed and just get upset by it, rather than immediately accusing one of the other assholes in the house of being such an asshole.

And that’s basically the whole show. The guys all meet up at the Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Community Center to plan the prank (huh?), and everyone talks about this in really lofty terms. Ryan thinks it’s a pretty good old school prank, and that sometimes classic pranks are good. Relax, Professor Pranks. Chet is the one who’s really excited, though. He can’t stop talking about the prank, and how great the prank is going to be. He’s more excited than his first trip to Wigstock (that he is going to take, eventually, when he REALIZES WHO HE IS.) But the thing is, after all this buildup, the pranks are total FAILs. Devyn barely even gets out of bed. She asks someone to help her get the rat out of her bed, please. Thank you. OOOH, BURN. And then, when they repeat the prank with the same rat in Sarah’s bed, this happens:

Haha. There is a FAIL in my bed! Most of the rest of the episode is devoted to the ladiez becoming a bunch of Encyclopedias Brown and getting to the bottom of this thing that no one could possibly care about unless they were nine years old and didn’t have a lot of friends or any books or video games or anything to keep them busy and were strapped to a chair and forced to watch this in which case “very interesting.”

The other storyline was a little better. It involved Devyn and the two men in her life: Jim, her “boyfriend,” and David, her “semi-fiance.” She keeps calling him that, AS IF THAT’S A THING. She studied Words for People That You Make Up and Make You Look Like an Asshole at the collegiate level, so it’s cool. Semi-fiance. Get real. You either are a fiance, or you aren’t a fiance. The same way that Devyn is retarded. She’s not semi-retarded. She also says that David knows that she won’t marry him until he gives her a bigger engagement ring. So she’s also an asshole (not a semi-asshole).

David is coming to visit, and she tells the other ladiez that if Jim calls, they have to tell him she’ll call him back later so that they don’t blow her sad cover. Perfect. Nothing makes you classier in your double-timing complicated lie system than forcing other people to join in. All under control, Devyn. She makes David pay for everything and acts really withholding and mean-spirited and they both clearly hate each other. It turns out that David cheated on her probably, maybe many times over, and that complicates things, I GUESS, but it also doesn’t complicate things because you just break up. This is not Bitter Moon. Don’t play (psycho-sexual torture) games.

At one point, Devyn and David go out to eat, and I have to tell you something.

That restaurant is about a block away from where I used to live! I am not showing off, I used to live in a not so great place! There was never anyone in it, I was convinced that it was a drug front, and there were three plasma screen TVs hanging over Greek diner tables playing “fireplace” on a loop. HOW ROMANTIC!

The guys in the house relentlessly tease and criticize Devyn for her behavior. At some point they find out that Jim, her semi-not-fiance-boyfriend-something calls her Sugarbutt, so they all start calling her Sugarbutt to her face in front of David. Very cool, guyz. If someone is deeply mired in a complicated web of emotional immaturity, it’s always best to force them to deal with it over a game of pool in front of roommates and television cameras.

Eventually, Devyn decides to “do the right thing,” which in this case is break up with David OVER EMAIL. I see. If he was her real fiance he’d get a phone call, but he’s only a semi-fiance (he is not a semi-fiance, because that is not a thing). Seriously, though, email? Why didn’t she just TWITTER IT? “@david u r not my seni-finance anymare. I need 2 find ouut who i really are.” He calls her to try and convince her to stay with him (why?) and she says that she has a lot more problems with men than she lets on. OH DON’T WORRY, Devyn, you let on that you have PLENTY OF PROBLEMS with men.

Also Ryan’s girlfriend Belle comes to visit. She seems very cute, and she doesn’t let any talking or having a personality get in the way of that. Whatever, I like her. No big whoop.

Next week: smashing coffee table. Ryan tears.