If They Do The Larry The Cable Guy Roast Right, It Will Be The Most Boring Roast Ever

Comedy Central has announced the target of this year’s celebrity roast, and it’s Larry the Cable Guy. This gives me so many mixed emoticons. From the press release:

NEW YORK, Feb. 11 — COMEDY CENTRAL is turning up the heat on this year’s Roastee, Larry the Cable Guy. The network announced today an all-star roster of Roasters that includes top comedic talent, a hall-of-fame football quarterback and a country music superstar. The “COMEDY CENTRAL Roast Of Larry The Cable Guy” tapes in Los Angeles at the Warner Brothers Studio lot on Sunday, March 1. The “COMEDY CENTRAL Roast Of Larry The Cable Guy” will premiere on Sunday, March 15 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT.

This year’s Roasters include Drew Carey, Nick DiPaolo, Jeff Foxworthy, Greg Giraldo, Toby Keith, Lisa Lampanelli, Dan Marino, Jeffrey Ross, among many others to be announced.

On the one hand, no one deserves to have people make fun of him to his face on national television more than Daniel Lawrence Whitney. But on the other hand, the whole point of a roast is to celebrate and ultimately legitimize the roastee, so, you know, roast FAIL. I’m still hoping that the comedians do the right thing and “roast” him properly.

Here are a few of the roast jokes I hope to hear:

  • What’s the difference between Larry the Cable Guy and the most condescending, phony, least funny asshole in the world? Nothing. There is no difference.
  • Larry is so dumb that he is the dumbest.
  • Larry just flew in and I wish his plane had crashed.
  • I still remember the first time I met Larry because I wish I hadn’t.
  • Larry the Cable Guy is like the George W. Bush of comedy. He’s a liar and he is horrible at his job and he has done lasting damage to the world.