The Osbourne family is coming back to television with a brand new variety show. It is going to be called Osbournes: Reloaded, and it is going to be miserable. Preview, you guys:
We’re gonna need a bigger YIKES. I know that I throw the term “worst” around pretty loosely, but if you look up “worst” in the dictionary it’s a picture of me typing out “the worst” about this show. What is this? Who wants this? Is there really a segment of the population demanding more crass outmoded variety entertainment shows hosted by a man whose brain has been liquified by decades of drug abuse and the wife who patiently stood by his side and watched it happen? With the accompaniment of their two floundering children who look like suicidal ideation incarnate? Because if there is a segment of the population who feels that way, I think we should be really comfortable in ignoring them and never ever giving them what they want, ever.
And they spend half of the trailer on that guy making out with an old lady routine! That’s THE HIGHLIGHT. It doesn’t get any better than that, you guys. If you like that, there’s a whole lot more that where that came from.
Could they even make a worse show than this?
Like, if all the scientists got together and used their science to engineer the worst show possible, would it just be this show?
Scientist 1: What if instead of a shaving cream-hose at the end of each show, Ozzy sprayed everyone with a bullet hose?
Scientist 2: Are you kidding, that would be so much better.
Scientist 1: You’re right. This is the worst.
Scientist 2: You can’t argue with science.
Scientist 1: Pass me that Bunsen Burner. I have some other science stuff to do.
Eureeka, I’ve got it! Shut it down.