Friday Fight: Who Will Win The Debate?

By Lindsay Robertson / September 26, 2008

gabe: who do you think is going to win the debate?
lindsay: I believe that John McCain is going to win the debate.
gabe: no way
gabe: david schwimmer
gabe: in comedy that’s called a call back
lindsay: dammit
gabe: it’s when you bring a joke back that the audience might have forgotten
lindsay: Always the straight man, never the bride.
lindsay: (you’re the “bride”)
gabe: i think that CNN is going to win the debate
gabe: did you watch the debates in 2004?
lindsay: I think the american people are going to win the debate.
lindsay: I can’t remember.
lindsay: I literally can’t remember.
gabe: because of drugs?
gabe: because of drug abuse?
lindsay: No! Because of it was boring!

gabe: no, it was not
gabe: that is one thing it was not
lindsay: I didn’t really have a dog in that hunt
gabe: wow, really?
gabe: wait, all joking aside
gabe: you didn’t care if george bush was reelected?
lindsay: I mean, I didn’t love my dog the way I love my dog this time
gabe: what you are saying is that you love george bush
gabe: seriously, what you are saying is insane to me
gabe: like, if i went to a hospital and talked to soemone there
gabe: it would be like this
lindsay: I guess I didn’t think he could be reelected
lindsay: I’m sure I watched it!
lindsay: but both those guys were boring
gabe: haha, you did not watch it and you are the reason we are at war in iraq!
gabe: wow
gabe: that is really untrue
gabe: this is really interesting
lindsay: we went to war in Iraq a year and a half before the 2004 debates.
gabe: this is like walking in on someone using the bathroom
gabe: except instead of using the bathroom you’re saying insane things
lindsay: Ew
lindsay: I’m calling HR
lindsay: (ringing…)
lindsay: Ok, they said you’re fired.
gabe: i am happy to be fired
gabe: if it means not having to work with someone who didn’t think it mattered that george bush was running for reelection
lindsay: I am SURE I watched the debates
gabe: and found that to be boring
gabe: no, you didn’t, because the debates were insane and you would remember
gabe: that is why i was asking
lindsay: I just wasn’t as excited about them as I am this time
lindsay: because NOBODY WAS
lindsay: except maybe John Kerry.
gabe: the debates in 2004 were astonishing
gabe: like, it actually seemed that george bush might be retarded
gabe: he was petulant and mean and retarded
gabe: and he was the president of hte united states
gabe: and the whole fiasco with him having something attached to his back under his suit?

gabe: it was an exciting, scary time
gabe: and you were so high on illegal drugs
gabe: that you didn’t even care
lindsay: Oh yeah!!!!!!!
lindsay: I totally remember now
lindsay: he had something attached to his back.
lindsay: That is so true.
lindsay: Dude
lindsay: That was messed
gabe: seriously, though
gabe: you saying that you did not have a hunt
gabe: in the george bush reelection campaign
gabe: of 2004
gabe: is going to be, like, the only thing i remember about you
gabe: when we stop talking
gabe: as soon as this IM is over
lindsay: No, I’m saying that my dog in that hunt was not a good speaker to the people and went waterskiing too much and was dull.
gabe: surfing
gabe: watersurfing
lindsay: surfing
lindsay: windsurfing
gabe: haha
gabe: no, watersurfing
lindsay: we were both wrong
gabe: we are so stupid
gabe: but at least i’m stupid and MAKING AN EFFORT
lindsay: We should make a drinking game
lindsay: Every time someone accidentally says “fuck”, take a drink
gabe: lindsay
gabe: some of us actually want to take a drink
gabe: at least sometimes
gabe: your drinking game is already the worst one
gabe: everyone will be so sober
gabe: these are professional men
gabe: every time john mccain looks like his head is made from a wadded up piece of bread

gabe: take a drink
lindsay: Well, I figured since you gave me shit for not remembering the last debate
gabe: every time barack obama gives that exasperated look, like john mccain needs to go to his room for a time out, which is probably the single most damaging thing for him among white working class voters
gabe: take a drink
gabe: the joke there
gabe: is that that’s not the most damaging thing
gabe: for him
gabe: among white wokring class voters
gabe: his being black is
gabe: i should probably take over for Meet The Press
gabe: i’m killing it with my searing observations
lindsay: take a drink every time John McCain’s left eye droops.
lindsay: That is a real one.
gabe: that is a sad one
lindsay: He won’t release his health records.
lindsay: That is a real issue.
gabe: well
gabe: would you release your health records
gabe: if you were running for president
gabe: and there was evidence
gabe: that you were 547 years old?
gabe: his real name is John McLeStat
lindsay: I would if that evidence was my face.
gabe: he is the only vampire who does not look like a 32 year old 2Xist model

lindsay: Has anyone at MTV asked McCain and Obama the boxers vs briefs question yet?
gabe: hahahhaha
lindsay: Or do we care more about how the world is ending?
gabe: the boxers or briefs or diapers quesiton
lindsay: omg
lindsay: totally
lindsay: Remember when that was a big question?
gabe: yes
gabe: i remember
gabe: i have a feeling that if it actually happened
gabe: boxers or briefs or diapers would be an even bigger question
gabe: now that there are blogs
lindsay: I think they have diaper-briefs
gabe: haha
gabe: ew
gabe: diaper briefs is the grossest thing
lindsay: but diaper-boxers seem like a design fail
gabe: diaper boxers are also the grossest thing
gabe: oh wait
gabe: i figured it out
gabe: diapers are the grossest thing

gabe: wait, why do you think john mccain is going to win the debate?
gabe: because he’s your boyfriend?
lindsay: because I can only type that sentence and not the opposite sentence
lindsay: for I am superstitious, you see
gabe: it would be really funny
gabe: if God
gabe: decided to punish America
gabe: by having John McCain win the election
gabe: because of some bullshit thing
gabe: lindsay robertson
gabe: typed in an IM converstion
gabe: seriosuly
gabe: i would give it up to God on that one
gabe: you got us, God
gabe: thanks a lot, Lindsay
gabe: although it would even funnier
gabe: if God decided to punish you
gabe: by making Sarah Palin your mom
lindsay: Gabe
lindsay: Sarah Palin is my grandma
lindsay: so it’s kind of a difficult thing
gabe: i get it
gabe: because of all the teenage pregnacy in your family?
gabe: is that the joke?
gabe: is that the joke you’re making?
lindsay: there is no teenage pregnancy in my family
lindsay: Sarah Palin in a bathing suit today will win the debates tonight
gabe: ugh.
gabe: depending on how the debate goes tonight
gabe: this could turn into a really long
gabe: really sad drinking game
gabe: for all of us