America’s Talent Will Roundkick Your Talent In The Face
Last night on America’s Got Talent, a little girl showed off her talent of getting into a staged fight with her dad.
It’s cute when David Hasselhoff asks her if she will negotiate his next contract, although someone should probably tell him that paying your bill at In-N-Out Burger with a debit card doesn’t really require arbitration. And while I don’t know if this performance proves that America has talent, it definitely proves that we will jump to our feet and give a standing ovation to anyone who crushes a dude’s balls with their heel. Stay classy, us.
Self-Defense Pro Tip: if you’re going to do the classic move where you swing back and forth around a rapist’s or robber’s head with your legs, make sure you practice with the rapist or robber beforehand so that they know which way to gently push you to keep your momentum going. The key to self-defense is choreography.